Wishing Upon A Satellite
by homeslice-of-a-homegirl
Summary: He lifted me off the ground and buried his face in my neck. I understood exactly what he wanted. Because I was doing the same thing myself, breathing him in. My entire body was humming. This was where I belonged.
1. Chapter 1

a/n: Hey so I didn't get this edited so don't slaughter me. But this has been playing at my head lol. Please read and review.

I set my bag down by the door. Once again here I was. I grabbed the notepad on the small table by the door. What do I say this time? Maybe its better if I don't leave a note at all. But he would worry. Then again he would worry any way. He deserved better then me. That was what I was doing. Yes. That is it. I am taking myself out the equation. I started to write that but somehow the words felt wrong.

The truth was simple. I am selfish. There is a man in the bed upstairs who would do anything for me. Anything but leave La Push that is. But somehow that is what I felt like I needed the most. Every step I took away from him was painful. It physically hurt. But here I was again. By the door.

"Bella?"

My heart jumped to my throat. I could hear it pound. I turned slowly praying he didn't see the bag. Praying even more he didn't notice my jacket on. But his eyes are sharp and he was an observant man. I wince when he saw the bag. Physically flinched when his eyes landed on my jacket. The accusation in his eyes pierced my soul.

"You're leaving," He stated.

He stood there. Shirtless. A mass of delicious muscles. His hands in the pockets of his soft pants. Here we were at another cusp of our ever evolving and crumbling relationship. And we just stood there. His simple statement hung between us. Silence surrounded us. Swallowing us up. But it didn't hide the pain in his eyes. What was I thinking?

I moved toward him. Slowly. Each step echoing. He never moved. Never flinched. I had to make it right... Right? But I could tell this time I had pushed him to far. He was silent. Almost deadly. Tension crackled. Each step closer I got to him I felt it rise.

"I was just..." The look in his eye killed the words in my throat. Lies were useless he would see through them like he saw through all my empty promises. He was like a volcano ready blow.

"Jared please," I begged him moving closer noting the slight tremble in his muscles.

He erupted.

"Please what Bella," he growled his body shaking, "Please let you go... or maybe please turn around and go back to bed and act like you never met me."

He punched the wall his fist slamming through it. "I'm so fucking tired of this shit... every time."

"God damn it every fucking time," He hissed, "Why can't you just stay put?"

"I just got you back," his voice caught in his thought, "I just fucking got you back damn you."

His anger was consuming. I felt it wash over me. But it was his pain that got to me. Choking me. He wanted answers but yet I still couldn't find the answers. Why couldn't I just stay? My mother claimed it was in our blood. She couldn't stay in one place either.

"Answer me damn it," He shouted yanking me toward him, "I would sell my god damn soul for you, and yet you can't even stay with me. You can't even find it in you to think of my feelings."

"Don't you see this is why I have to go I'm no good for you," I cried trying to pull away from him.

"Save it Bella," his eyes were dark and his shaking has increased. Fear filled the pit of my belly, "Save your load of shit for someone who hasn't heard it."

"You know why you have to leave," He growled, "Because you're a selfish bitch and god forbid you stay in bumble fuck La Push right."

"No Jared that's not it..." I started. "Then you tell me why?" he sneered.

"Tell me."

"I don't know why," I sobbed.

"That's not good enough anymore," He said pain laced in his voice. His shaking has since calmed down.

I moved to hug him. Comfort him. But he pushed me away. "I can't breathe when you're not here," he choked out. Sobs shook through me. I was killing him. "I dream of you," his voice strained, "I dream you are with me and then I wait up alone and it fucking kills me."

My knees buckled. I was riding an emotional hurricane with no way off. I felt as if the breathe had been ripped from my lungs. I hated seeing him hurt.

"When was the last time you even told me you loved me?" He asked, "When was the last time you thought to yourself I wonder if he is okay?"

"Every day," I gasped, "Every single day."

"You consume me Jared... its like I'm a different person when I'm with you," I was trembling I wrapped my arms around me trying to hold myself together. I felt as if I was falling apart by the seems.

"I don't know this Bella I am with you... and I am so scared of her."

"Why?"

"Because she is everything I never knew I could be."

He pulled me toward him. Held me against his chest. Beautiful strong arms full of love surrounded me. And I wanted to leave this?

"Then why are you running away?" He asked his brown eyes staring into mine, "Why are you so willing to throw it all away."

"Because I feel like I'm losing myself," I cried, "I leave and try to find the me I was before all this but I can't, and then it hurts to much to be away... every time I say I won't come back that I would just give you the clean break you deserve. But I can't."

He just stood there. Soaking up my words. His eyes never left mine. The room was so quiet. All I heard was our breathing. So in sync. Each breathe matching.

"Do you remember the first time I saw you," He whispered walking over to me cupping my face, "God It feels like a life time ago."

Because it was a life time ago. I wrapped my hands around his biceps. I let myself melt into him. Let myself fall into the memory of a better time.

He placed tender kisses over my face. Holding me close to him. God I wanted him. Tears fell. They always fall. Why couldn't it be easy for once? I was jealous of the other imprints. I wanted to be like them. I wanted for him to be happy. Instead we were stuck some where in the middle.

"You were so beautiful," Tears falling from his eyes. His gorgeous brown eyes filled with love. "You were just standing there the leaves dancing around you."

"You were so happy back then," a ghost of a smile played at his lips, "We were so happy back then."

"Don't I make you happy anymore," He asked emotions thick in his voice.

"Oh God yes," I nodded my head, "You make me happy."

"Then why do you keep leaving me?"

A sob broke from my lips. I felt like I was falling apart. Maybe I really was but some how in his arms I was whole. I put my hands on his neck caressing his jaw. A motion from a past. One I hadn't done in a while. One that seem to cement how fucked up this situation really was.

"You were so beautiful," He whispered kissing my forehead, "And I knew from that moment you were the one for me."

"Jared... oh god Jared," I gasped through the sobs. I hated myself. I wish I wasn't like this.

"Please Bella," He dropped to his knees before me, "Pleasing I'm begging you don't leave me again."

His tears soaked my shirt. I was choking on emotions. I wanted to promise that this was the last time. I wouldn't walk out of the door again. But damn it the words wouldn't come. I sobbed harder. I was a horrible person.

"Tell me how to take the pain away," He asked.

I wish I knew.

"I just need time," I whispered.

"How much more do you think I have in me to give Bella?" He rubbed his face with the palms of his hands.

A sigh past through his lips. And I sensed it. The tension in the room broken. He was withdrawing from me. From us. And the thought crushed me.

"I can't keep doing this," he said, "The pain is too much."

He stood. Time seem to have paused. He let out a deep sigh. "If you leave tonight don't bother coming back."

a/n: let me know what you think this was just a prologue


	2. It's easy to want

a/n: As you know I don't own twilight. Please read and review and once again I didn't get it betaed sorry.

a/n: so the first chapter I originally posted actually was the first draft to this one please forgive me for that error.

My fingers twitched on the wheel. Excitement was running over me. I glanced over to the letter currently sitting in my passenger seat. Harvard. I can't wait to tell Jacob. Charlie was so excited I had to practically beg him not to tell Billy. My heart was racing. I would finally be free of this town. I think back to all the conversation I had with Jake about one day running away. Making a name for myself. Hell making a name for both of us. So here I am on my way to cook them dinner and break the news. Besides I know they could both appreciate a good home cooked meal. Charlie would drive down after work and join us.

The drive to La Push always seem to go so fast. I didn't even think about it anymore. I've been down here so much over the last two years it felt like a habit. I pulled into Jacob's gravel driveway it seem like minutes since I left my house. Taking a deep breathe I studied the red paint on the house. Anxiety rushing through me. I let the air rush from my lungs. It was only Billy and Jake but it felt so much bigger. This was such a big moment. I could see Billy's face now. It would be the as Charlies', I thought with a smile.

I kept thinking life seemed to be moving just always one step before me. I had just gotten just to having a Jake as a best friend and now I had to leave him soon. Its like I'm playing an endless game of catch up. Part me couldn't wait to get out of Forks and the other part dreaded leaving. I wanted a change. But then the thought of leaving my dad Charlie, and Jacob almost seemed unbearable.

"Bella?" Billy asked with a confused expression from his where he was sitting on the pouch when he saw me approaching.

"Hey Billy," I smiled giving him a quick hug, "I've come to make you and Jake dinner."

"Well Bell you didn't have to drive all the way out here for that," he protested gently we both knew he wouldn't really turn down the chance to enjoy non burnt food.

"Its nothing," I moved the door might as well get started dinner now the way Jake ate I would have to make enough to feed ten.

"What's that in your hand?" Billy asked following me in spying the letter I was clutching on to for dear life.

"Oh you know just a letter," I said smiling.

I handed it to him in the kitchen ordering him to read it while I got started. Pulling the cupboard opening I scanned the selection of boxed pasta. I grabbed the spaghetti just in case on of Jake's friend join us for dinner. I looked over my shoulder Billy was still staring down at the letter as if he wasn't sure if he should read it or not.

I watched as he tentatively pulled it out and opened it. His face passive as he read. His long hair falling over his shoulders as he hunched over. He read the letter twice. I know because Charlie had done the same. He was making sure he had read it correctly. He let out a loud whoop looking up at me smiling.

"Harvard," Was all he said smiling down at the letter, "You got yourself into Harvard." He kept shaking his head and smiling and looking down at the letter. Mine you the same thing Charlie had done. My heart was brimming over with happiness. They had both know I was itching to leave. They knew how much I wanted to live life outside of this small town.

"I'm so proud of you," He motioned for me to come over and pulled me into a huge hug, "Now if you excuse me I seem to have gotten something in my eye."

I chuckled softly as he rolled away turning my attention back to the task at hand. I don't know how Billy paid to feed Jake with rate he ate and all. I pulled two packs of ground meat from the freezer and stuck them in the sink to thaw out.

Jake was probably off with his friends. He was almost impossible to check him at home anymore. I started cleaning up the place. I grab all Jake's discarded shorts. That he seem just to throw any where in the house. Going into his match box size room I grabbed the few that were laying around. I felt sorry for the girl he marries. Geesh he was a pig.

But I would miss him. I've made up my mind to enjoy my summer. It would be the last one we have in a while. It was like I wasn't just going off to school. No it almost felt like I was preparing myself to never come back. But I was ready for this. Ready to move on.

At least that was my last revelations. That happened some where between putting a load to wash and putting the meat to cook. I've been full of them lately. It was like I could wrap myself around one feeling. Well I never could wrap myself around one feeling. I've always been an emotional screw up. I love Jacob and he love me but for me it wasn't enough. So I pushed him to the brother zone. It seemed nothing was ever enough for me. I had this consistent need to feel an endless void inside of me.

Harvard helped and I hoped it would help some more as time went on. I put the pasta to boil. Dinner should be done in a few. I spied a few bags of trash by the door. I'm sure it was something Billy had asked Jake to take out but he never got around to it. Grabbing the bags I head out to the large dumpster up the road.

"Bella!" Jacob shouted running from out of the woods... shirtless. Ambushing me on my way back.

"What happen none of your tee shirts fit any more?" I joked. He had grown over night it felt like. He had a few more muscles since I last saw him. And I swear a few more inches in height. What the hell were they feeding this kid? Even Charlie noticed it and he barely notices anything. Unless I cook healthy that he notices.

"Ha ha," he rolled his eyes before throwing me over his shoulder carrying me toward his garage. I hated that he was big enough to do this now. I gave up fighting when I learn I couldn't win I hope it takes the fun out of it so he stops. The rabbit was sitting in the middle of the garage looking a little lonely if you asked me. I once joked that Jake should get another car to keep the rabbit company. It would have been funny if Jake didn't really look like he was contemplating the idea. Only Jacob Black would considered buy another car to make sure his car wasn't lonely. He was a great guy. But his heart was too big.

"What are you doing here," he grinned putting me down before throwing me a warm soda.

"Oh nothing much just cooking and laundry," I shrugged cracking it open, "Figured I'd forget bout all that and just slum it with you."

He rolled his eyes ignoring my jab. I watched as he popped the hood on the rabbit. I swear he was consistently fixing that car. "What's wrong today?" I asked grabbing one the books I had laying around. Snorting when I saw the title. Harry Potter was as good as any I guess.

"Just tweaking the engine," he replied never taking his eyes off the great mystery of a machine before him, "What are you reading today?"

"Harry Potter... how did you know I was reading?" I asked confused I know he didn't look over my way.

"Because," he looked up smiling, "That's what we do Bells."

"Huh?"

"You read and I fix my car..." He laughed as I rolled my eyes, "You know Jake and Bells time."

"I like that," I said smiling into my book. I got up to go check on the pasta and the clothes. After deciding the pasta could use a few more minutes I took care of the clothes.

It really was what we did. Once in a while we would converse but mostly he tinkled with his car or when he was feeling frisky mine. And I read or did homework. All the while enjoying a nice warm soda. Man we were living the life.

I hated that I wanted more. Things were so simple. So easy here with Jake. Hell with this town. But ever since I received my acceptance letter to Harvard I have been itching to get out. Harvard wouldn't have even been on my list if Jake hadn't pushed me to apply. He even threaten to do the application for me. I smiled remember how adamant he had been. Thanks to him here I was enrolled into Harvard with a full ride.

Yet still there was a pang of sorrow. This feeling of deep regret. Like I was missing something. It was almost as if I would lose it... what ever it was when I left Forks. Pushing the feeling back I focused adding the sauce to the meat.

"Do you think you will come back?" Jacob asked behind me scaring the crap out of me.

"What?" I gasped spinning around putting my hand on my chest making sure my heart was still in it. He was standing before me his brown eyes pleading into mine.

"Do you think you will come back after you go?" He asked his large frame overwhelming me.

"Of course I will for holidays" I hugged him tightly noting how warm he felt, "Jake are you coming down with something you're so warm."

"Na Billy said its from all the growing I've been doing?" He laughed uneasily, "Dinner almost done?".

I knew he was avoiding the question but let it go if he didn't want to talk about it then I wouldn't press the issue.. that was for now anyway.

"Don't you ever think of going to college?" I asked. Jake was smart he could get into any school he wanted to. And I was itching to tell him the news. I'm amazed I kept it in for so long.

"Don't you ever think about dating me?" He fired back. I rolled my eyes at his half ass attempt ignoring the question.

He smiled sadly at me. His eyes downcast I could sense sadness falling off of him. This was a side of Jake I wasn't use to seeing. He was always smiling. His eyes always full of life and it shook me. Come to think about it. He really didn't look much like he did when we first re met. His once long black hair was now cropped in a buzz cut. I had almost cried when he cut it. But he claims its easier. He was taller and much much more masculine. Hell Jacob had transformed into a man before my eyes and I've now noticed it.

"That option is long gone for me," he answered in a hollow voice. I started to protest but he cut me off. It seems we've both breached conversations neither one of us wanted to have. He moved to sit by the small table in the kitchen. I watched in amusement as his big brown eyes landed on the letter Billy left sitting on the table. His forehead wrinkled as he picked it up with a sigh. His shoulder hunched in defeat.

He picked it up and went to open it until he noticed the name on the envelope was mine. "Bella why do you have mail here?"

"Open it," My face split in a huge grin.

He eyed me suspiciously before pulling the letter out. I watched him read it over excitement bubbling up inside me. He looked up his brown eyes staring into mine. "A full ride to Harvard."

I nodded enthusiastically. He jumped and lifted me into the air. "I told you you could do it," His smile seemed endless.

Yeah this was the Jake I knew. "We should celebrate," He said wrapping his longs arm around me pulling me into another hug.

"Why do you think I'm cooking dinner?" I asked with arched eyebrows.

"You can't cook your own celebratory dinner," he rolled his eyes, "There is a bonfire tonight Billy will be telling stories and all the guys will be there... come to it."

Laughing I agree mostly because he was looking down at me with the biggest puppy dogs ever. I was endlessly trying to make him happy.

"Let's go the bonfire should be starting soon." He pulled me to my feet and lead me out the door. I pulled back stopping him. He looked back at me confused.

"You're not even going to eat the food I made?" I asked with a fake hurt face.

He snorted and grabbed a plate. I timed him. He finished eating two plates heaped high with spaghetti and meat sauce in three minutes. I think I was half way through my third bite when he declared he was done. Then it was a consistent swatting game. As in me swatting his fork away from my plate. In the end I just gave in and let him finish it.

"And people wonder why I'm wasting away," I joked as he licked the sauce off my plate. He looked up at me sheepishly.

"Bella if I didn't eat off your plate you would get fat and no one likes a fat girl," Jake joked.

"Better not let your sister hear you say that," Billy said rolling in fixing himself a plate.

I shook my head at both of them. "Come on Bella lets go," my hyper active over grown friend cried grabbing my hand.

He continued to hold my hand as we walked toward where the bonfire was suppose to be. I glanced down at our hands with raised eyebrows. He just shrugged and smiled. I didn't fight him because I knew once the summer was done I was off to Harvard and wouldn't see him for a while. And quite frankly I didn't really want to let go either. Jake was the brother I never had. He was always there for me. My best friend. I know at one point he had a crush on me. But he seem to have gotten over it... mostly and well it was just for the best.

"Who's going to be there?" I asked huffing slightly to keep in pace with him.

"You know the pack," he answered slowing his pace slightly taking pity on my struggling.

"The pack?" I asked.

"Oh right sorry the guys sorry we refer to ourselves as the pack... little La Push humor I guess," he responded quickly licking his lips, "Don't worry Kim, Emily and Leah will be there."

"That would be great if I knew who Kim and Emily were." I deadpanned.

"Oh Kim is Jared's girlfriend and Emily is Sam's," He responded half rushing out the last part.

"I thought Leah was dating Sam?" I asked confused. I know she had mentioned the last time I saw her something bout a wedding.

"A lot has changed since you've been here last," Jake said somberly.

But I swear I was here like a week ago. Right? I mean I was only ever at Jake's I haven't really seen the other guys for a few months. But that's a big life change. I wonder how Leah is taking it. I also wondered why Jacob never mentioned either. Part of me wanted to chalk it off because he's a guy but still I would have been there for Leah.

"When did they break up any way?" I asked pulling back on his hand. I mean I would like to know what I was walking into.

"It's kinda a long story," he rubbed the back of his head a nervous habit of his, "But long story short Emily is Leah's cousin. Sam met her during the wedding planning and fell in love. They've been together ever since."

I stared at him in disbelief. "What she's Leah's cousin? Sam left the woman he was engaged to for her cousin... who was helping them plan their wedding?"

"What a douche bag," I spat out in disgust shaking my head. My opinion of Emily wasn't very high either.

"Don't call him that," Jake growled at me his body trembling slightly, "You don't know how hard it was for him."

"I'm sure it was," I sneered back trying to ignore the fear creeping through me as his shaking increased I knew Jake would never hurt me, "Poor Leah she has to face them every day. I can't even begin to imagine the pain she is in."

That seem to take the wind out of Jacob's sails his trembling stopped, "Just promise me you won't be say anything rash to Emily... or Sam they've been through enough."

I snorted. "Bella promise me," Jake said looking me in the eyes.

"Fine I promise not to be anything "rash"." I said with air quotes.

I let what Jacob told me play over in my mind. There were so many levels of wrong in what he said I couldn't even begin to understand it. Just like I couldn't understand Jacob's shaking as he defended Sam. I knew they were friends but Leah was his friend also. How could he be okay with the injustice done to her. She was so excited about marrying Sam. Something didn't feel right to me. God was Jake really involved in a gang and Sam really the leader. I thought over everything I knew about Sam and the guys. They all have had massive growth sprouts. They all have serious muscle. Hey even puny Quil is packing a six pack now.

Could drugs be the reason for his sudden transformation? I know Jake had once refer to the guys that hung around Sam has a gang. I quick shook that thought from my head. Jake would never get involve in anything like that. Billy meant to much to him for that. But none of it explained the shaking. He looked like he was bout to rip out of his skin.

We stopped in front of a house. A sweet small house. I loved it instantly. It was the type of home I could see myself in one day.

"Where are we?" I asked shaking my head trying to clear it.

"Sam and Emily's house," He replied not meeting my eyes.

"WHAT?" I asked outraged, "You brought me that their house." The house was suddenly looking a lot less appealing.

"Bella you promised to be nice," he whispered his eyes darting to the door nervously.

"That was when I thought we were going to be meeting up in a public gather not when I would be in their house," I basically shouted at him.

"Could you maybe," he eyes kept darting back to the door, "Um... keep your voice down."

I paused. "What's going on Jacob?" Things were getting really strange.

"Nothing... it nothing really," He ran his hand through his short hair, "Bella please just be nice."

"I'm always nice Jake," I rolled my eyes before whispering under my breath, "I just feel incredibly disloyal to Leah."

He pushed the door opened and walked in. His hand still in mine as he lead me through the house. It was a cute house and if I wasn't so caught up on the story of the owners perhaps I would of appreciated it better. But then again I didn't really appreciate the situation I was in either. We walked into a living room of sorts and the guys were sitting there talking quietly. The room was silent the second we entered and Jacob was looking increasingly uncomfortable.

"Hey guys," he did a half wave before nudging me.

"Hi," I mumbled still processing what I learned earlier.

Jake cleared his throat," Bella you remember the guys right?"

"Sure," I said his tension was slowly making its way to me.

"Bella," Sam said from where he was sitting he stood to come greet me, "Nice of you to come."

I nodded at him not trusting myself to speak. I honestly had no idea what to say to him. A beautiful woman with scars on her face came and stood next to him. This must be Emily. She stuck her hand out to me a smile gracing her beautiful face, "Hey Bella... I'm Emily Sam's fiance its so nice to finally meet you Jake never stops talking about you."

They looked nice together as much as it pained me to admit it. It was almost like they were made to fit together. He stared down at her with eyes full of love and I couldn't help but think he never looked at Leah like that. He never stared at her with such complete devotion. It still didn't make it right. I looked away spying Leah sulking far in the corner. I was actually surprise she even bother showing up. I wouldn't have.

"Well we're all mostly here," Sam said after a second of silent awkwardness, "With the exception of Jared and Kim," he rolled his eyes at some of the sniggering, "Might was well get started."

The guys all stood at once. Suddenly I was surrounded by a bunch of oversized shirtless sculptured native men. I might have swoon a little. Who am I kidding I almost lost function of my knees. Emily gave me a knowing smile.

"Yeah it can be overwhelming at first." Her face was warm and inviting but still I couldn't get over Leah. I glance back over to her once more. Her eyes met mine once before she bolted from the room. I turned back to Emily not missing the frown on her face.

"Look Bella," She started, "I know you heard about Sam and I but I love him and that's all that matters."

She looked at Leah's retreating back sadly, "That's all that will ever matter."

Part of me wanted to tell her off for being so selfish in the midst of her cousins pain but then I remembered my promise to Jake and let it go. I nodded keeping my opinion to myself. I barely knew Emily but I did see the look in Sam's eyes when he looked at her. Leah was better off without some one like him anyway...right. But that didn't mean I was jumping into a friendship with Emily.

"Come," she motioned for me to follow her, "Help me take the food out."

It had gotten dark since I got there. I took my time coming down the stairs scared I would drop the huge bowl of pasta Emily all but threw in my hand. Didn't anyone give her the memo that I was a klutz. I slowly placed it on the table, happy I didn't drop it. That's one for Bella and zero for the bowl.

"I heard what you said," A soft hoarse voice whispered behind me making me jump almost toppling the bowl of pasta.

Warm brown hands gripped the bowl steadying it. I looked up and saw Leah. Her face was hard with a deep scroll. Her exotic features twisted in grimace of pain and anger but her eyes showed her sorrow. She was hurting. I let go of the bowl and hugged her. I could feel her tears on my shirt she shook in my arms as silent sobs ran through her.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered stroking her hair.

"I can't do this," She blurted ripping from my arms. I watched as she ran into toward woods. Escaping. For a second I wanted to follow her. But the woods scared the crap out of me. Ever since I seen a huge wolf by the edge of from my window. Not to mention all those attacks that have been happening recently.

Turning around I noticed Sam staring at her retreating form with a look a deep regret on his face. His raw pain evident. I tried to push the pity I felt for him away. Leah was the one hurting the most. But I couldn't get the haunted face of Sam from my mind.

"She'll be okay," Jacob said hugging me. I nodded keeping my face in his shirt inhaling his soothing scent.

"Come on," he grabbed my hand, "Jared and Kim just got here it about to start."

He led me around a huge fire and sat down on a log. Across the fire I saw who assumed was Jared and Kim kissing. I smiled hoping their story wasn't as messed up as Sam and Emily's. I made a mental note to ask Jacob later. I let myself fall under the trace of the story teller. Let myself believe in wolves and their soul mates... their imprints. I let the story of the vampires scare me and I cried when the third wife died. Sacrificing herself for her tribe and her husband. Bonfire were always so rich in culture. And for a few hours I forgot I was an outsider.

Jake held me close his hand never leaving mine. I love the comfort of it. That was thing about him. He always made things feel just right. I smiled at him as Billy finished the last story. My belly grumbled and he laughed.

"Come on lets get you some food before the wolves descend," His eyes twinkled in the light of the fire and I nodded. I've seen how Jake eats I could only imagine how the rest of them eat.

I stood quickly laughing as he tugged me playfully. Not looking where we were going we crashed into someone. I mumbled sorry as I looked up to see who Jake had just pulled me into. The wind was blowing leaves all around making it almost difficult to get to the person before me. My eyes landed on the most beautiful man's I've ever seen. I felt as if the earth had shifted and all there was, was me and him. It was like the air was sucked from my lungs. My body was reacting before my mind could process it. He was staring at me with the same adoration Sam had given Emily. And it felt right. It felt more then right.

"Bella?" Jake asked his voice uncertain. His voice brought me back to reality. It was then I noticed. I was no longer holding his hand. Some where in the midst of it all I had moved away from Jake and was now standing directly in front of the man I recognized as Jared.

"Bella," Jared whispered his voice deep and sensual. It teased my ears. Wrapped around my body. Claiming me. His girlfriend was staring at us with a look of confusion. Hell I was confused by the pull I felt toward him. He stuck his hand out and with out a second thought I grabbed it. A jolt raced through me. I felt a tingling butterfly sensation play deep in my belly. Heat from his touch flowing from my hand through out my whole body. And with one touch from him the void was filled. His dark eyes searched my face. He was effected as much as me. I bite my lip nervously trembling softly when he groaned. His eyes fixated on my lips. Holding his hand wasn't enough for me. I wanted me. He leaned down. I prayed it was to place those lush lips on mine.

"Bella," Jake said looking back and forth between us with a bitter stare once again breaking the trance, "Meet Jared."

a/n: hope you guys like it. This is the true first chapter. Please read and review and let me know what you think.


	3. Harder to have

a/n: hey guys I hope you are enjoying the story so far. Thank you to all those who reviewed and I ask that you continue. The reviews let me know the story is like and is worth continuing. Sorry for all the error's in advance

It's been five days ten hours fifteen minutes and five seconds...six seconds since that night in La Push. I've been holed up in my room ever since. It was like there was a shift in very center. I can't get the image of those haunting brown eyes from my head. It is like the image was burned onto my brain. Jake has called twice every day since, pleading with me to come down. I'm so conflicted right now. So confused. I couldn't explain this burning need to see Jared again. All I think about dream about or real the urge to talk about is Jared. This can't be normal. No actually I'm positive it's not normal.

My heart, felt heavy in my chest. Every beat it barely managed felt sluggish. I didn't understand the complex of emotions whirling like a hurricane inside of me. I certainly didn't understand the circus of question playing in my head. Something happened that night that changed me. Instead of an empty void in me I was filled with uncertainty. I studied the book list from Harvard that currently lay discarded on my desk. It was mind boggling. A week ago I had was so eager to get the books. Now the task seemed mundane.

The phone was ringing again. I let it ring. I couldn't seem to find the strength to move. It hurt too much. Everything hurt. I don't understand this aching deep in my muscles. Sighing I looked at the clock. Time seem to have become the enemy. Half past three. I tried to muster the strength. I haven't cooked since that night. Charlie must be in take out heaven. My room was a disaster. Dirty laundry piled high hanging outside the hamper. I've let everything go. Shaking my head I decided enough was enough. And I'm pretty sure if I keep ignoring Jake he will show up here.

So I need to get up. I had too much to do to stay another second in bed. I pushed my legs of lead off the bed. Heaving from the exertion, I pressed my hand against my heart. This was crazy. Madness. I willed myself to stand. The phone was ringing again. I stared at it in annoyance. With a sigh I slowly made my way to it.

"Hello?" I croaked out, my voice hoarse from the lack of use.

"Bout time," Jake grumbled, "Do you know how long I've been trying to get in touch with you?"

I wanted to say I knew exactly how long it's been but I just stayed quiet. I wasn't really in the mood for much not even Jake's playfulness. A wave of exhaustion ran over me. I hoped Jake said whatever he had to say fast so I could lay back down.

"How are you feeling?" Jake asked after it seemed like an eternity.

"Like I've been run over by a truck and then it backed up just to make sure it got me," I answered.

"Funny," He paused as if hesitate to asked whatever it was he wanted to ask. God I wish he would hurry up. "Look Sam and Emily are having a dinner for the pack... er guys... and they wanted to know if you wanted to come."

My heart jumped. I could possibly see Jared again. Wait. What the hell was I thinking? He has a girlfriend. I was trying to find a reason to say no. Nothing was coming to me. Who was I kidding I already on board the second Jake said the guys. The chance to see him again was too tempting. Even though every fiber in my body knew it was wrong. But yet still my breathe caught in my throat and my heart was racing at the thought.

"Bella you still there," Jake asked.

"Yes." I said

"Yes what... yes your coming or yes your still there," He asked I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Both," I replied quickly excitement coursing through me. I'm beginning to question my sanity.

"Good be ready by four thirty I'll come get you." He hung the phone up before I could reply. Looks like Charlie was doing take out again tonight. Sorry Charlie. I moved faster than I have in days to the bathroom. Suddenly my appearance mattered. I snorted at the thought. As if he would even notice me.

After showering and throwing on perhaps the only dress I may own on. I stared down at the makeup kit Renee had insisted on buying me. The one I have yet to open. Debating if I really wanted to go through so much for a guy who probably forgot I even existed. The odds were against me. My fingers were pulling the plastic off the kit before I processed it. Shaking hands dabbed the eye shadow with hopes I remembered what my mother use to show me. I put on the most minimal of minimal make up I could possibly put on. A small part of me proud of what I've accomplished. At least I didn't look like a clown. Putting on some of my tinted chap-stick my face was complete. I snickered at the thought.

A horned blew loudly from outside. Repeatedly. Jake was here, and not a second too late. I grabbed a cardigan from the closet before bolting downstairs. I tried to hide my excitement as I jumped into the car. But the ear to ear grin that had somehow plastered itself on my face was giving me away. Jake gave me a weird look before shaking his head and muttering under his breath. Half through the drive that seem to be taking forever he looked over at me once again.

"I didn't even know you owned a dress," he stated.

"Um... yeah I have tons," I lied smoothing out the imaginary wrinkles in the dress.

He snorted and looked back at the road. He didn't say anything else for the drive. I could feel my heart beat increasingly rise as we pasted the sign for La Push. We were only a few minutes away. I would see him soon. Jake was looking at me out the corner of his eye. He seemed different. It was like something was on his mind. I wanted to ask him. But I was afraid if I opened my mouth I would say Jared's name and expose myself. So I kept my lips shut.

"You okay Bells?" Jake asked as we pulled into Sam and Emily's drive way.

"Yeah," I squeaked, "I'm fine... why?" I was looking around eagerly. Hoping my eyes would land on him soon. I think the cartilage in my fingers were wearing out from how much I was wringing them.

"You seem a little... tense," He said unbuckling, "That's all."

I nodded my head at him before all but yanking his car door open to get out. He arched his eyebrows at me. But I ignored it. Just like I ignored the shocked expression on his face when I grabbed his hand and dragged him to the door. And I knew after the banging I did on the door I wouldn't be able to meet his eyes for the rest of the night. His hand was rigid in mine. I glanced back to see if he was okay. They were taking too long to answer the door. I gave the door another knock trying to read Jake's expression.

His face was blank but he wasn't exactly looking at me. I sighed and knocked on the door again. Well I actually knocked on someone's chest. A very muscular shirtless chest. Looking up I saw a very amused Sam standing before me with arched eyebrows. I smiled at him sheepishly discreetly trying to look around him.

"Bella," Sam's deep voice bellowed. "So nice to see you again."

I nodded quickly following him in dragging Jake with me. "So... um... who's all here?" I asked Sam trying to hide the anxiety in my voice. But judging by his face I didn't succeed as well as I had hoped.

He arched an eyebrow at me a smirked played at his lips. And I swear to everything I love if he didn't answer me soon I would rip them off his face. "Well you know the guys," he answered moving away from me slightly.

"Which guys?" I asked through gritted teeth.

Jake was now officially ignoring me. He shook his head pulled his hand from the death grip I was currently giving his fingers and moved around me. Nodding to Sam he made his way to the back of the house. "Are you looking for someone in particular?" Sam asked his shoulders moving in a silent laughter. I growled at him. I seriously just growled at Sam huger then life Uley. Judging by his raised eyebrows I'm not sure which one of us was more surprised. What in the world is going on with me?

He cleared his throat and rattled off the guys names. All but the one I wanted to hear. He's not here. I could feel my body falling into its self disposed exhaustion. Would I really ruin my whole night because Jared with a girlfriend decided not to show up? Yes. Apparently I was. I followed Sam dutifully toward the back pushing away my depressing thoughts.

"Oh and how could I forget," Sam said turning around just as we got to the living room, "Jared is here also." It was like I got hit by lightening. My every changing emotion changed again. He's here. I wanted to ask if his girlfriend was here. But figured it may be pushing it. Calm. Just stay calm Bella. Let's try and keep the fact you've been obsessing about a guy you just met under wraps.

I entered the whole with a facade of calm I was nowhere close to actually feeling. I was grateful the guys couldn't hear my heartbeat because it was practically beating out of my chest. I glanced around the room spying Jared on a love seat… by himself. Yes. I did a small happy dance... inside of course. Moving swiftly I planted myself down right next to him. I ignored the confused stares I was currently getting. Ignored the hurt look on Jake's face when I walked by the seat he had saved for me. Right now all I saw was him.

"Bella," he said nodding his head nonchalantly at me. My heart broke a little. Well what did you expect, I thought bitterly, him to shout his undying love to you. He has a girlfriend I reminded myself. One who was currently MIA but still he had one. I nodded back not trusting my voice. I couldn't brush off the feeling of needing more. Or the feeling that I've officially lost it. Why does it mean so much to me.

"Bella," Emily said as she entered the room walking over to me, "So glad to see you could make it." She gave me a quick hug before looking over to Jared. "Is Kim on her way?" She asked him. I tried not to look like I wanted to know also. I developed a sudden interest in the plant beside me. I heard him clear his throat. One of the sexiest sounds I have ever heard. I bite back the moan that threatens to come out. I need to get a hold of myself.

"She wasn't feeling well so she decided to stay home," he answered. And once again my inner Bella was doing her happy dance. There was such a rush of emotions running through me just by sitting near him. I wonder how it would feel to actually touch him. I scooted a little closer to him discreetly of course. I looked around to see if anyone noticed me. My eyes landed on Sam who was currently staring at me with same damn amused expression. I could feel the blush on my cheeks. Looking away I studied Jared out the corner of my eyes. He was currently having a deep conversation with Paul. He didn't even notice I was slowly inching my way closer to him. The light from the slow setting sun was creeping through the blinds. It surrounded his head like a halo and a sign passed from my lips. He was truly beautiful. His black hair was long enough to put into a small pony tail that had my fingers just begging to run through it. His high cheek bones and straight nose wasn't far off from Jake's but on Jared it made him look delectable.

"Move over Bella," Seth said with a shit eating grin as he basically pushed me onto Jared's lap sitting down next to me. It took me a second to realize. To register that I was now touching Jared. The electricity running through us was overwhelming. I leaned back on to him savoring his scent. My one leg was tossed over his, my face burning red from the intimate position we were in. I tried to shift so I was so exposed on him. Wiggling my hips to maneuver my leg off of his. He hissed and grabbed my hips stopping my motion. A new sensation was washing over me. His large hand squeezing my flesh was too much to bear. I could feel myself getting turned on. My body was being assaulted with so much sensation it was hard to even think.

I wanted someone to save me from myself. The heat that was currently flowing through my body was so foreign to me. I was currently traveling through the unknown with my body in a room full of men. I knew my face was flushed. I knew I needed to excuse myself. But I couldn't move. I was pinned down on Jared's body. His hot muscles pressed against my back. His hard leg pressed against that hot place between my legs. Instantly I wished I had worn jeans. The feeling of his jean shorts pressed against my hot sex with only my panties in between was becoming unbearable. My body was responding to him in a way it's never responded to anyone before. I felt my panties dampen and had to control every impulse in me begging to bury my face in my hands and hump his leg until I was completely satisfied.

"Oh sweet Jesus," Jared groaned under his breath inhaling deeply. He shifted me off his lap setting me back firmly next to him. But not before I felt it. Jared was just as affected as I was. He jerked to his feet and yanked me up in front of him.

"Come on let's help Emily in the kitchen," he grunted pushing me along in front of him. I nodded eagerly wanting to escape the room just as much as he did. I pressed my lips together trying to fight the moans forming deep in my throat from his constant touch. I was dripping. I could feel it. Jared took another harsh breathe before pushing me into a dark room.

Before I could even process what was happening I was pinned against a wall. Jared pressed firmly in between my legs. Embarrassment raced through me as I looked around wondering how he was able to put the light on and pin me to the wall. I was grateful the only thing keep us company was a washer and dryer. If I could think straight I would wonder how he moved us here so fast. I would have worry about the reaction of every one outside. Thank goodness one of the side effects of having a half naked Native American sex god standing between your legs is loss of common sense brain function.

His face was currently buried in the curve of my neck and each ragged breathe he took pressed his body closer to mine. I ran my hands through his hair, wrapping my legs around his slim waist. Pressing myself against him with confidence I myself didn't know I possessed. He hissed trembling slightly. I could feel his erection. Feel it against the part of me that was aching to be satisfied. I knew I shouldn't be letting this happen. I knew I should stop it. But he looked me in the eye and I was lost.

He thrust against me. A whimper escaped my lips. "Jared," I started trying to ignore the lust in his eyes. We have gone too far, "We need too..."

His lips were pressed against mine. My whole body tensed. I've never been kissed by a man before. I let him take the lead. Melting into his kiss I granted his tongue the entrance it was seeking. The taste of him overwhelming taking over my senses. I could feel myself shuddering under his touch. Quaking with lust for a man forbidden to me. He wrapped his large hot hands under my thighs. His fingers drawing small circles on my burning flesh. A tidal wave of sensation hit him. Drawing me under its slippery embrace. He had lit a fire deep in my soul that was consuming me to the very core.

The desire I had for him multiply suddenly it didn't matter that he had a girl. It didn't matter that we were in Sam and Emily's laundry room. The only thought that I was capable of processing was Jared is kissing me... and damn did I like it. My fingers itched to touch him. I moved my hands down and cupped his bottom pulling him closer to me. He broke the kiss with a groan and I desperately wanted him to touch me in the core of my desire..

He showered my neck and face with light kisses. His tenderness evident in every kiss. But I wanted more. I felt empty. "Please Jared." I pant in between kisses. He pulled back. Studying me with his dark eyes as if he was drinking me in with just his stare. His hair was tousled and his lips swollen and the only thought I could think was 'mine'.

He arched an eyebrow me as if silently questioning me if I really wanted more. I wiggled my hips over the large bulge in his jeans. His expression immediately changed from one of amusement to one of deep primal lust. It was if he was a predator who's eyes just landed on its prey. I felt like a lamb in the wolves den. I was playing with a wild fire.

With a growl he ripped my thin panties away. I gasped as the cool air hit my damp hot flesh. This was never how I imagined it being. A deep shudder ran through me as I thought of him touching me at my core. His hot fingers wasted no time finding that button that set all my nerves a flamed. A loud moaning was surrounding us. Ringing in my ears the strong desire that was flowing though the room. It took me a second to realized it was me moaning with such abandonment. Jared chuckled in my ear. His hot breathe teasing my neck. His body was hard and tense against me but his fingers worked magic. I felt as if a dam was exploding inside of me. Muscles I never knew I had were tighten begging for release. He pushed on finger inside of me. I hissed from the welcomed intrusion. My body tensed around his finger pushing it out. He placed open mouth kisses on my neck. My belly quivered with each thrust of his finger. My nerves were going through an overload.

"So tight," Jared hissed rubbing his thumb over my magic spot making me feel like I was about to explode.

"Cum for me Bella," He whispered hoarsely in my ear.

And I felt it. I was on the edge of the fall and I was tumbling over no matter how much I desperately held on. He kissed me deeply swallowing the scream of my orgasm. My whole body was shuddering in his arms. Never before I ever felt such a rush of emotions all at once. I held onto him as I slowly finished the roller coaster ride he just sent me on with just his hand. I swear there were tears in my eyes.

"You are so beautiful," He said softly into my hair. I closed my eyes and rested my cheek on his shoulder. I just let him hold me. A sharp knock on the door broke us both from the stupor we were currently falling into.

Slowly he placed me down. My legs were still shaking I grasped his huge biceps for support. He kissed my forehead steadying me before grabbing my torn discarded underwear from the floor and shoving it in his pocket. "Go," he whispered, "I'll follow in a few minutes."

His words sunk in. Reality came crashing down. I was no better than Emily. I was doing to Kim the same injustice that was done onto Leah. The word hypocrite was running though my head. I nodded quickly keep my head down. I wouldn't let him see my tears. How could I have been so foolish?

I opened the door slowly hoping no one would be standing outside. I think God hates me. There standing before me was Sam with that damn arched eyebrow. He knew damnit. I could feel the harsh words I had said about him flying back and slapping me across the face. Rushing past him I headed straight for the bathroom. The tears I was fighting flowing down my face. My cheeks felt like they were on fire. It wasn't until I closed the bathroom door did I remember I was currently panty free and without a back up. I wasn't just climbing any mountain of fucked up I was on top of the Mt. Everest itself.

I dreaded the thought of going back out there with nothing on. What if the wind blew when I was outside and all the guys saw my goods. I debated claiming to be sick and have Jake drop me home. But the selfish side of me reared her head again and I knew I would stay until Jared left. Or when Jake actually left considering he was my ride. Gathering the little courage I had I wiped myself off… literally. And slowly dragged my feet making my way out back to face the wolves.

The screen door slammed shut behind me causing all the eyes to turn toward me. I tried to ignore the unsettling feeling that they all knew what Jared and I just did. I searched Jake out and noticed he and Sam were off to the side in a very heated discussion. It seemed like a non interrupt type of meeting if you get my drift. Not to mention I wasn't really ready to face Jake just yet, so I decided to try my luck with Emily.

Bad idea. I thought five minutes in. Emily was talking about another bonfire coming up soon but she kept giving me knowing looks. It was getting to a point I was seriously tempted to poke her eyes out. And Jared has still yet to resurface. Every time the screen door opened I would look at it expecting to see him coming out. I know I shouldn't. He was seeing someone. But surely she couldn't be that important if he could do what he did with me... right.

One minute later I got my answer. Jared walked out to the back with a very happy looking Kim. It was definitely a hard pill to swallow. You know the size of large goose egg. But add on some guilt milkshake and it all goes down in the most upset stomach type of way. I knew I should leave all this alone. But yet I found myself hoping he would acknowledge me. Hoping he would announce in front of everyone that he didn't want her but me. I wonder if this is how Leah felt every day.

He avoided my eyes like it was the plague. I was beginning to feel like the lowest scum on earth. I tried not to think too much. Tried to ignore the betrayed feeling currently playing at my heart. But I couldn't. Every time I saw how happy Kim was it was another stab to my heart. I couldn't push away the feeling rejection. Tears flooded my eyes and I quickly wiped them away. How could I have been so foolish. He probably thinks I'm some big slut.

I tried to move past the pile of self pity currently residing by my feet like a load of smelly dog poo. I stared down at the plate of food Emily handed me. Not really hungry for anything much... that is anything not Jared of course. I'm so sad and pathetic. Jared was way out of my league. I was better off playing it safe with Jake. Or better yet just shacking up with some Tom, Dick, or Joe at college. You know Harvard the one I've been putting off for no apparent reason this past week.

No longer could I let someone else. Someone who I barely knew affect my decision about my future. I pulled my shoulders back and lifted my head high. I would fight what ever force was holding me here. I am going to college and nothing not even Jared could stop me. Not that he was trying to any way. It has to be all in my head. Maybe I should switch my major to psychology. Considering all the issues I seem to be having with my own psyche.

But still didn't stop me from appreciating Jared's body. I watched in hooded eyes as Kim handed him a piece of Emily's pumpkin pie before turning and talking to Emily. He looked up as if he knew I was staring. I should look away but his eyes captivated me. Locking me in place. I watched as he scooped up a small amount of whip cream on his finger and slide it into his mouth. His eyes closed and his body made a moan of deep appreciation. The muscles in my gut clenched with desire. He turned his eyes back to Kim and Emily. It was then that I realized it was the finger that had been inside of me. And fuck me if a wave of desire didn't just slam into me like a ton of bricks. I was sinking fast and had no more life boats left.

A/n: thanks for reading once again read and review.


	4. Whiplash much

a/n: so Bella is a little angst... anyway just to clarify. Bella never met the Cullens there for have no idea about wolves or vampires. She is blissfully and happily human. She doesn't understand what is happening to her or why she is so attracted to Jared. Any way once again I'm a slacker and didn't let my beta/roommate look it over so you all will have to bear my grammar errors which I'm sure there are a lot. I don't own the characters etc. etc. Please read and review. Your feedback really helps and honestly its just nice to know the story is like or not.

The cold numbness of reality has set in. I've let my mind wander to long. That dinner at Sam and Emily's cemented the deal. I would ignore this pull I had for this man. Ignore the burning desire he set deep within my soul. From this moment on Jared would be a distant memory and nothing more. Releasing the breathe I held deep in my chest. I embraced the numbness because it meant being calm. I grabbed the book listed off my desk. It was time to get back to reality I wasn't about to let my slip in common sense ruin my chances to get out of this god forsaken town.

A knock on the door broke me from my train of thought. "Bella?" Charlie asked before sticking his head in. He shuffled his feet nervously. He rarely comes into my room. After a few minutes of awkward silence and him repeatedly clearing his throat I finally just asked him what he wanted.

"One of the boys from La Push is coming up to work on the shed out back," he said shoving his hands in the pockets of his work pants.

"Okay?" I asked wondering why he was acting as if it was a bigger deal. It's probably just Jake and he didn't want to tell me since he's been avoiding my calls.

"It's not Jake," he said as if reading my thoughts.

So it was probably Sam. I'm still confuse on why he is standing before me acting as if the president was coming to work on our shed.

"Who is it then dad?" I was quickly getting tired of the run around.

"Jared."

Damn. Definitely not Sam. Nope just the man you've just spent all morning trying unsuccessfully to push from your mind, I thought bitterly. Charlie was staring at me as if he was waiting on me to explode. He couldn't possible know. Could he? There was no way. Charlie wasn't that observant.

"Are you okay with that Bella?" He asked.

"Yes." No.

"It's fine dad…go to work Jared is a cool guy," I tried to put on my most reassuring smile. Which judging by the expression on Charlie's face wasn't very successful.

I finally got him out the door before heading to the shower. I may have pushed him out of the number one spot on my list of priorities but he still was up there. My body still trembled at the thought of him touching me. The need to feel his lush lips against mine pulsed through me. Stop, I commanded myself. He has a girl. One he had no problem having in front your face at the dinner. Even though he may not have been thrilled with her there he still has one.

So once again I'm back on the forget him train. My own emotions were starting to give me whiplash. One minute I want him the next I'm pushing him away. And the worst part is I'm probably just some chick to him. Grinding my teeth I yanked my jeans on. That's it I commanded myself. I am going to not think about him.

A knock on the front door jerked me awake. I must of passed out on the couch waiting on…. Jared. He's at the door. My heart speed up. Dear Lord he is at the door. Get up Bella, I thought. Yanking the door open with more force than required I came face to face with his back. His shirtless back. The muscled flexed and moved under his dark skin. I may have swooned a little. He turned slowly. Moving with it almost seemed forced motions.

"Bella," he greeted me with a stiff nod.

Tension surrounding us. "Jared," I managed, "How are you?"

"Fine."

And talkative I see. "Um well come in," I jerked my hand behind me. He walked in stiffly. This was so awkward compared to the dinner. So strained. I let a sigh pass my lips pushing the hair from my face.

"Look Jared about the other night…."

"It should have never happened," he growled cutting me off.

He stalked toward me. His face inches from mine. I tried to catch my breath. Tried to comprehend what was going on. His body was trembling or was it mine. I was fighting the need to kiss him. He was standing here. Anger pouring from every single one of his cells and the only thing I could think about was how sexy he was. What the hell is wrong with me?

"I should have never touched you," he spat out disgust heavy on his voice.

I wrapped my arms around myself. Holding myself together. He wasn't about to see me fall apart. He wouldn't see my tears I vowed.

"I'm sorry I disgust you so much," I gasped my chest felt so tight I couldn't quite catch my breath.

"I can't leave Kim," His hands balled into fist, "She was everything. My world. I don't understand this pull I have to you. I don't understand why I feel this constant urge to touch you."

He shook his head, "I just can't leave her."

I just stood there. Stood there choking on my uncertainty. His presence was overwhelming. My senses were in overload. He was too close to me. I need air. I need to get out of here. I eyed the door behind him. Could I make it? He was studying me. I wonder if he sensed my need to escape.

"Bella?" He asked his voice full of concern. I just shook my head. I wasn't able to do this. God I wanted him so bad. Even now after he told me he could leave Kim. She was his everything. The rejection stung. It burned through me creating a hole through my heart. I wanted to scream at him. Why did he touch me? Why did he surround my every thought? Why couldn't I stop wishing with every bone in my body that he wanted to be with me instead?

He took a small step toward me and I bolted. I raced for the back door. I couldn't stay here. His arms wrapped around me. "Let me go," I cried tears running down my face. But he held on pressing his hard scorching body against mine. A body that I had no right wanting because he didn't want me.

"You're wrong," he gritted his body trembling just as much as mine.

"What?"

He whipped around to face him. Our faces inches apart. "I want you so bad." He pulled me closer against him letting his erection press into the soft flesh of my belly. "I shouldn't want you, everything ingrained in me should only want Kim, but damn me I'm smoldered by my desire for you."

"Don't do this to me," My body heaving with each ragged breathe I took, "Don't tell me you want me only to push me away."

I jerked from his arms. Standing with my back to him. "I think you should go." I didn't see him leave but I heard the door slam behind him. I needed to get out of here. His presence was still here. I did the only thing I could think about. I went to see Jake.

I rested my head on Jake's shoulder. We sat our legs dangling over the edge of the cliff. I slowly ran my hand down his arm, letting my fingers caress the tight muscles in his arms before grabbing his hand. He tensed slightly glancing down at our entwined fingers. It was the first time I have ever initiated the hand holding. before resting his head on mine. I could feel his anxiety. It poured off of him.

"Jake?" I asked playing with his fingers, "Is everything alright?"

He sighed. A deep sigh. "Bella..." he trailed off. I looked up at him. His eyes staring off into the distance. The muscle in his jaw ticked as the wind played softly with his short hair.

"Jake what is it?" I asked rubbing my thumb across the muscle in his jaw. He leaned into my touch his eyes closed it seemed as if he was having a war within himself.

"Bella all I ever wanted was for you to be happy," He cupped my face his eyes staring deep within mine. "All I've ever wished for you was a good life." A soft smile played at his lips. I nodded my head in confusion.

"There has been some many times that I wished you would just see me," his voice caught in his throat before he looked away. "I wished you would just give me a chance."

"Jake I..."

"No you haven't," he interrupted me already knowing what I was going to say, "I love you so much."

"You don't realize how truly beautiful you are," he tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear, "how unique and interesting you are."

His words caressed my soul. The warmed me to the brim. But I knew my love for Jake would never amount to the love he truly needed. I couldn't give him what he wanted. And I knew it. I loved Jake I truly do. But not the way he wants me to love him.

"Jake you know it would never work out," I whispered, "You know we would one day hate each other for it."

"Do you know Bella?" his eyes intense as they searched mine for the answer. Did I truly know? No. But I did know I wasn't good enough for him.

"I'm not good enough for you."

He snorted. He shook his head and mumbled under his breath for a second. "I think I would be the judge of that."

"Jake I can't give you what you want." I closed my eyes. Fighting back the tears of regret. I knew I was crushing him. I knew I was hurting him. And I would do anything to take his pain away. But if I gave in. If I let myself be what he wanted I knew we would both eventually hate each other. I've seen it happen before. I watched my mother walk away from my father for the very same reason.

"I know," He whispered before placing a chaste kiss on my lips. The warmth of it filled me. He stood pulling me to my feet, "Come on lets get down to the beach before it gets to crowded,"

I followed him down the path. I thought of his plea. Thought of any possibility that I could make it work with Jake. But then I saw him. Jared. He was walking into the woods. Completely shirtless. I licked my lips in excitement. And I got my answer. The warmth Jake had created in me was quickly replaced by the burning Jared ignited within my soul.

Jake may be the sensible choice. He would be the choice most girls would of gone for. But I knew I could ignore this connection I have with Jared. And I was about to lose my best friend over this either. Tomorrow, I decided. Tomorrow I would tell Jake how I feel. But today. Today I plan on spending it with my best friend.

It was the first nice day of the summer and we were going to enjoy it. Ever now and then I would catch him staring at me out the corner of his eyes. Studying me. I could tell our conversation from earlier was still playing at his head. No matter how much he tried not to show it.

The sun was up high. The rays danced playfully across Jake's face and russet skin. He was absolutely beautiful. His lips pulled in an easy smile. And for a second I forgot about the other man who played at my mind consistently. All there was Jake and me and I let myself sink into it. And I let myself picture for a second choosing Jake.

A sigh escaped my lips. Jake was staring at me with concern deep in his black eyes. I smiled at him. Trying with my expression to reassure him that I was okay. But it was a lie. A hugh lie. Even when I considered choosing Jake, Jared still played at my mind. All I could think about was Jared's touch. I wanted to run across the beach and jump in his arms. I wanted him to touch me again and feel his lips pressed against mine. He was so beautiful. I watched with jealousy in my heart as he carried on a heat conversation with his girl.

I wanted to be that close to him. Jake was looking at me with concern again. And I know I have to stop staring at Jared. I know I should just turn my head away and he was nothing to me. But I couldn't each touch he laid on her arm or face made my heart clench. I flexed my fist trying to realize some of the tension slowly building within me.

Jake was the one I should be giving my attention to. He was always there for me. No one every got me as well as he has. Why should I keep dreaming of a man who clearly doesn't want me. I turned my heated stare from Jared to Jake. I studied him. His strong jaw. Passionate eyes. And full lips. They were what I should be dreaming about. He was everything I've ever desired in a man. So why was I caught up on Jared again? Oh that right I like being irrational.

Jake twitched nervously under my intense stare. He clear his throat the muscle in his throat moving in unease. "Bella are you sure you're okay?"

I didn't think. I just moved. I grabbed his head and pulled his lips down on mine. He froze for a second. I could feel the pounding of his heart under my fingers. I let the feel of him wash over me. I let his scent sink deep into my sense. He kissed me back fiercely. I wrapped my arms around his neck bringing him closer to me. He licked my bottom lip and him take control of the kiss. I let my body just feel. And damn it felt good. At least I thought so until he pulled away with a jerk.

"We shouldn't have done that," He whispered his eyes looking past me. I turned to look over my shoulder to see who he was staring at so intensely. His eyes pierced mine. My breathe caught deep in my throat as he stalked over to us. No matter how good I thought Jake may have felt nothing compared to the passion Jared woke with in me. He move slowly like a predator who's stalking out its prey. I watched with hungry eyes the way his muscled moved under his skin. My mouth was dry and my body trembled slightly. I stood.

I stood and moved toward him. I made my way across the shifting sand toward him. Jake a distant memory. I walked until we stood face to face. His eyes boring deep into mine. I could feel him in the depths of my soul. Grabbing a fist full of my hair he slanted his lips onto mine. Stealing the very breathe from my lungs. Desire pooled deep in the pit of my belly. I wanted him in the most primal way.

"Mine," he growled between kisses and I could hardly disagree. This was so outside anything I've every experienced. So beyond my basic comprehension. I was drowning in the ocean called Jared and I wasn't even asking for a life jacket.

"Stop," I gasped pushing him away. His eyes still black with lust. "You have a girl."

There I said it. The one statement that has been hanging between us. I cursed the cruel fates who decided that this man was the one for me. He sucked in deep breathe and nodded his head taking a step back. I waited. Waited to hear him deny her... or me. Waited to hear that I was all he wanted. Hell I was just waiting.

"Bella," he started looking around as if trying to find the words in the ocean and sand, "It's complicated." I gaped at him. Its complicated. I'm not really into complications. Why had I walked away from Jake? Jared didn't want me. I felt like I couldn't breathe. The need to escape growing by the second.

"You can't kiss me like that," I gasped fighting the tears that were threatening to fall, "And then claim its complicated."

"I know God damn-it," He growled grabbing me by the forearms. "Do you think I want this? I had it good... fuck I had it good."

His word stabbed me. I was bleeding in front of him. He had me falling apart and he didn't even realize it. I wasn't good enough for him. I tried to pull away from his grip. I had to get out of here.

"Let me go," I cried slowly sinking to my knees, "Please let me go." My sobs shook my whole body. All I could think was how I threw away a great guy for this. The sting of rejection burned through me. His gripped on me never let up. And I felt broken.

"Bella," he choked on his voice, "Please don't cry Bella."

I shook my head. Trying fruitlessly to push away from him. He didn't want me. Not surprising considering I was eighteen and have yet to have a boyfriend. No one wanted me. Except Jake and now he probably wouldn't want me either.

"Bella please," he whispered pleading with me for what I wasn't sure.

"You don't want me," I murmured though my tears.

"Don't want you?" his grip on me tighten as he pulled me closer to him, "Are you crazy woman all I want is you... I can't get you from my mind." He wrapped his arms around me burying his face in my hair. "You are all I can think about. All I dream about. I knew the minute I saw you I had to have you and damnit Bella I gave up to much to lose you also. I tried to tell you earlier but I was so angry."

He placed a soft kiss on my forehead. His embrace warmed as much as his words did.

"So where do we go from here?" I asked trying to pull myself together. I tried to stand on shaking legs leaning on him for support.

"What are you doing tomorrow night?" He asked steadying me.

"Nothing."

"Be ready by five I'll pick you up," He pushed a strand of stray hair behind my ear, "There's a bonfire I would like for you to come with me."

I assured him I would be ready on time.

a/n: so let me know what you all think by reviewing thank you.


	5. Wait What

a/n: Sorry its been a while since I updated. But life has been a little crazy. Its' a little short but it will have to do for now hope you like let me know what you think. R&R

"Do you ever think about opening your own bakery?" I asked around a mouthful of Emily's chocolate chip muffin.

"Once I did," she laughed wiping off the dish she just finished washing.

"What changed you mind?" I asked before taking another huge bite.

"Because all the decent schools are pretty far away," She sighed.

"Okay...?" The question evident on my face.

"I could never leave Sam for that long," she said with a wistful look on her face.

"Oh."

Part of me wanted to lecture her about not giving up her dreams for a man. But I would honestly feel like a hypocrite. For this very morning I thought about walking away from Harvard. A passing thought and one I would certainly not be acting on. I wasn't about to compromise myself for someone who only gave me whiplash. For someone who I didn't even have a relationship with... yet.

"Bella?" Emily asked breaking me from my thoughts, "Can you take this out side?" I nodded dutifully taking the tray of muffins from her. Praying I didn't trip I slowly made my way outside. The sun was setting painting the sky a ray of oranges and pinks and I knew the bonfire would start soon.

Jared had pretty much just picked me up and brought me here checking on me only a few times. But mostly he was giving me space. Lots of space. I felt he was just as nervous as I was and didn't really want to crowd me. Part of me was grateful but the other part wanted nothing more then for him to come and kiss me senseless.

I spied Jake by a tree. His back to me. I took the sight of him in. The muscles in back tense stretching his beautiful tan skin with each small twitch. And once more I found myself wishing it would have been Jake. Wishing it would have been him that I was now in almost shambles about.

He would make things so easy. He would be everything I needed. But my luck was never that good. And my best friend will be staying just that, my best friend.

"Jake?" I called as I neared him.

He turned slowly. And my breath caught in my throat. His eyes black as night stared deep into my soul. The raw pain consumed me. I've made such a mess. In all my indecision I've hurt the one person who meant the most to me. Words escaped me. What could I say? I'm sorry didn't just cut it. And in an instant I wanted to go back. I wanted a do over. I couldn't take the pain and hurt that laid heavy in Jake's heart. And I couldn't take the fact that it was me who put it there.

"Jake I..." I tried but we both know it was useless. I was no better then Sam... or Emily. I moved closer to him. I just wanted to hold him. To hug him and beg for his forgiveness. But I knew there will be no recovering from this. Even if the wound in our friendship healed there would always be an ugly scar.

I moved to touch him and he jerked from within my grasp. "Bella don't," he growled. Tears stung my eyes. As I watched him walk away. Someone pushed past me following him. Leah. In a sense I knew she would comfort him. Or they would just bad talk me and Sam. But then again we deserved it I thought with a sigh.

"Ready to go?" Jared asked from behind me.

"Geez," I gasped grabbing my chest, "I didn't even hear you come behind me."

He smiled softly and held his hand out for mine. I took it without a second thought. And for that moment Jake was nothing more then a distant memory all there was was Jared. And I was okay with that. I think. I pulled myself together and let him lead me to the large fire. Billy was sitting with a blanket thrown across his legs in his wheel chair. His black eyes shown bright in the light of the fire. I've been to hundreds of Bonfires since I a baby but tonight felt different. There was a magic about it and I was slightly unsettled about it.

Jared placed a soft kiss on my forehead. His arm wrapped around my waist. He seemed tense. I wondered if he felt what I felt.

Billy's voice silenced the group and within seconds he had us all captivated. It took me a minute to realize the story was different today. Instead of wolves he talked of love. And understanding the role of a imprint. He went to detail of how the pull between the wolf and his imprint was impossible to fight. That eventually even the most unwilling imprint will give in to the pull. My palms were becoming more and more sweaty with each word he spoke. Jared's large form was now becoming overwhelming. I couldn't breathe so close to him. Billy's words of emotions were hitting to close to home and suddenly I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the rest.

"Bella?" Jared asked his eyes full of concern.

His eyes stared deep into mine as if he could read my soul. His arm on my waist burned my flesh. I wanted to bolt. My heart quickened and I inched away from him. I could feel everyone's eyes on me. My face is flaming red and I'm not sure how much more I can take.

"Whats going on?" I choked out never taking my eyes from him. He nodded at Sam who seemed to be walking away from the group. And I realized that Billy had stopped talking. I looked over at him and he was staring at me.

"Bella you have been listening to our legends for years," He smiled softly, "In a way I always knew you would be joining us."

"I don't understand," I said shaking my head trying to comprehend.

"The legends are true," He said calmly. "The wolves have returned to La Push."

I looked around nervously. "Calm down," Jared whispered in my ear his hot breathe caressing my neck and let some of the tension go. That was until I saw a wolf black as night and as large as a house making its way to the fire. I thought my heart would jump out of my chest.

"It's okay Bella," Jared said rubbing my back, "Its just Sam."

"What?" I screeched, "Since when did Sam become a huge furry overgrown monster."

I jerked away from him. And stumbled away from the wolf. I have to get out of here. Now.

I bolted. I just ran. A pair of warm arms wrapped around me and I screamed.

"Relax Bella," Jake's gruff voice said in my hair, "Just relax."

I jerked out of his arms, "Are you one too?"

He didn't say anything. I could hear the crash of the waves in the ocean. I could hear the crickets in the woods. But Jake never made a sound. Matter of fact he wasn't even looking at me. Things began to click in my head. The high temperature. The fact that he went from being a normal seventeen year old to now looking like a body building twenty five year old. He always knew when I was coming. He was really fast. Hell My best friend was a god damn werewolf.

"How long Jake?" I asked but I already knew the answer. He eyes bore into mine. His month a thin line.

"There's more isn't there," I felt like crying. I wrapped my arms around myself hoping any minute now some would jump out of the trees and scream punked.

"Yes."

"Tell me damnit," I growled at him. I needed to know. I needed to understand what was happening to me.

"Come back to the bonfire and you will find out," He grunted motion with a jerked hand motion for me to follow him.

I did. But I also thought of everything I learned today. _'I could never leave Sam.' _Emily's words came back into my mind. Tonight wasn't just about telling me about the wolves. No there was definitely more. Tonight Billy had talked about Imprints. He had talked about soul mates.

_'He had no choice it was love at first sight' _A gasp fell from my lips. I grabbed my chest and froze. Jake turned to me his eyes full of concern.

_'We shouldn't have done that.' _Jake's words after we kissed.

Oh sweet Lord Jared imprinted on me.


	6. Imprint?

a/n: well this is a longer then the last chapter. So I hoped you guys liked it. And thank you all who reviewed. Please like always R&R.

Jared stood before me. His chest expanding with each breathe he took. I felt as if I was falling apart. All I saw was him. And for the first time since all this madness started it all made sense. I traced his jaw with my finger. He kissed my fingers as I ran then across his silky lips.

"A werewolf?" I whispered jerking my hand back.

The pain in his eyes made me want to put my hand back instantly. I was fighting the urge to take a step back. My heart beating like crazy in my chest and I was doing everything in my power not to break down. My lungs were fighting to expand. Fighting to take in air. My brain couldn't function. I was so wrapped up in what I had learned I couldn't even remember the most basic human nature to breathe.

I watch as he dropped to his knees before me. His eyes level with mine. He still wasn't touching me. He still wasn't holding me. I desperately need him to hold me together right now. It was like he could read my thought because his arms were around me in a second. His face buried in my hair and he held me.

"Imprint?" One word. One simple word. And my world was crashing around me.

"Yes," He replied looking into my eyes.

"Bella?" he eyes searching mine.

I didn't know what I felt. I was so confused. So lost. I felt ripples of running through my body. My belly quivering. My hands shaking. My mouth felt as if I just ate a bag of sand. He said my name again and the tears began to fall. I closed my eyes. I could no longer stand to look into his. They were filled with emotions I wasn't ready to face. I felt his hot hands cup my face and a sob brought free from my lips. And without thinking I wrapped my arms around his neck because even in the midst of all this he was still the only thing that made sense. Jared holding me felt as natural as breathing and that thought had me crying even more.

I sobbed into his neck. I cried for me. I cried for him. I understood now why Sam had to leave Leah. I understood why Jared had to leave Kim. But none of this made up for what I did to Jake. Sam and Jared had pulls to someone else. But me I have no excuse. And once again I'm slammed by the thought of how selfish I am. Because Jared was currently in my arms holding me as I broke down and all I could think was how much I hurt Jake. I keep hurting everyone. But the longer Jared held me. The more I felt as if I had to fix things.

I pushed from Jared and looked around the crowd frantically. I saw him. Jake was standing close to the woods. His back was to me again. Well technically it was to everyone. But it stung the same none the less. I could feel the eyes of everyone here on me. I can see it in their faces. They can't understand why this was so hard for me to get. But they didn't understand. Without this pull I could have been with Jake. I could have been the girl he needed me to be. But then Jared was touching me again. And I knew it was all lost.

I pulled myself from his embrace. I let the cold air of the night surround me. Waking me from the haze I was putting myself in. I shook my head trying to get my bearings. I wiped the hot tears from my face. There was too much going on right now. Too much for me to understand. And then I did the only thing that made sense to me. I walked to Jake. Simply. One step in front of the other. I moved toward him and I didn't let anything stop me. Not the look of concern on Sam's face. Or the look of confusion on Billy and Emily's. Or the fierce scroll on Leah's. I walked with purpose.

"Jacob Black," I said flatly daring him with my tone to walk away. He turned a look of surprise on his face. "Take a walk with me."

I knew in my heart I couldn't start anything with Jared or with my life itself until I talked things out Jacob. It felt like a lot in one night, well quite frankly because it was a lot in one night. But if I left things the way there were one day one of the loose ends were going to come back and hit me in the face. I couldn't be like Emily, Sam and Leah. Jake meant too much to me and I wasn't going to lose that for anyone. So no matter how much it hurt to walk away from Jared's arms I knew this must be done.

I put my hand in his. Gasping slightly in pain clutching my chest. "The imprint," Jake explained taking in my confused face.

"Ahh," I said rubbing my chest indicating for him to lead the way. I made the mistake of looking back. Jared was still on his knees his hands covering his face. I fought the urge to run to him. To comfort him and tell him it would be okay. To assure him I was coming back. But I knew I couldn't make false promises. Because I wasn't sure if I was coming back. But I did know that whatever the outcome of my and Jacobs talk would definitely help make my decision. But a small part of it was also proving to me that I could walk away. So that was what I did. I walked away. Each step more painful than the other. Tears welled in my eyes. But I kept walking. I would hash out things with Jared after I was done with Jacob.

He led me to his garage. I sat on the bench and he leaned on a truck in the middle of the garage. His arms crossed across his chest. We sat there staring at the wall. I knew I should be the one to start. But part of me wished he would. A small part of me hoped he would just forgive me and we would just be friends again. A soft sigh left my lips and I ran my hands through my hair.

"Jake…" I couldn't find the right words. I stared at my feet trying to form the words.

"Bella just say it," Jake grunted not looking at me.

"I can't make me love you the way you want me too," I said rushing it out.

"I know," He said rubbing his eyes with his large palms.

"I have no excuse for what I did," I stood and moved closer to him, "But know I wanted it to work." My voice cracked but I was determined for him to hear this.

"That day when I kissed you I was choosing whether I knew it or not." His black eyes had tears in them and I knew I was breaking him more. This wasn't my intentions. I didn't want to hurt him. I wanted him to know.

"Do you want me to fight for you?" I asked because if he did I would fight with everything I had for him. Even though we both knew it was a losing battle. I would do it.

"Bella I can't take this," he choked out, "That day when you kissed me I knew Jared had imprinted on you. I knew your fate was already sealed. You don't have to do this. I did this to myself."

I closed my eyes at his statement. "I've hurt you Jake."

"No more then I'm hurting you now," Jake whispered cupping my face, "The pull you feel for Jared will eventually lead you back to him. You can't fight it no matter how are you try. And it would be selfish for me to ask you to do so. When I know that neither one of us would be happy."

"Can we still be friends?" I asked.

He pulled away from me. His breathe was ragged and I knew he was crying like me. "Bella I think we both need time."

I nodded my head biting my lip. I wrapped my arms around me holding myself together. I was right. Tonight had completely turned my world upside down. And nothing would ever be the same. The dam was already broken and I don't know if I can survive the rushing water.

"Let me take you to Sam and Emily's Jared will be there." He said after a few minutes.

"No take me home please Jake," I said rubbing my face, "I've reach my limit for today."

"What about Jared?" he asked.

Yeah Bella. What about Jared? You know the man that even now you're still feeling the pull to. You know that imprinted on you. I thought to myself. But really I never forgot he was there. I knew I had to talk to him. I knew we had to discuss this. Whatever this was. Imprint. And once again I'm blow away by the impact of such a simple word.

"Do you have his number?" I asked Jake clearing my throat from nothing more than the emotional build up that was forming there. "I'll call him when I get home."

I watched as Jake save Jared's number in my phone. Something you think I would have done way before this. But everything has been so crazy lately even the most common sense thing seemed forgotten.

We drove in silence. There was so much I wanted to say but none of it was right. I hope someday we could go back to Jake and Bells but right now we were Jacob and Isabella. And neither of us knew where tomorrow headed but I know we will find our way back to each other.

We both stood in front of my door. Each of us at a stand pass.

"This is it then?" I asked him my hands stuff in my pocket.

He shifted on his feet nervously. He let out a deep sigh before pulling me into a deep hug. I inhaled his scent and held on to him. I loved Jakes hug. And today was no different. He held me like I mattered. His hug had a way of making problems disappear just for a second. He release and stepped away. A soft smile on his face.

"For now Bella." I reached out and stroked his cheek. Standing on my toes I pulled him down and place a chaste his on his lips, "For now Jake…. Remember that."

"Hey Jake," I called when he reached the bottom of the steps, "I love you remember that also."

He smiled, "Right back at you…. Oh and Bella call Jared"

I walked to my room. I contemplated what to say to Jared as I pulled my shoes off. I was worried about his reaction. He basically placed his heart in my hand and I dropped. The more I thought about it. Perhaps I should have waited to talk to Jake. Taking a deep breath I grabbed my phone and called Jared's number.

He answered after the first ring. His gruff voice filled my room. And suddenly all my planned words raced from my head. I sat there grasping for words.

"Bella?" he asked his voice laced with confusion.

"Jared." It's all I could figure out to say. As if that explained it all. I knew it was weak. But then again strength wasn't my strongest forte right now.

"Where are you?" he demanded.

"Home," I answered finally finding my tongue, "We need to talk.

"I'll come over," he grunted.

"Wait," I half screeched. Charlie would freak if he caught Jared coming into the house now. "Come tomorrow… after nine when Charlie's gone to work… please."

I could hear him breathing. I could sense the internal agreement going on with him.

"Fine." He hung up after that.

I knew tomorrow would be pack of emotions. I rested my head on the pillow. I prayed for sleep. I tried not to think about tonight. I tried not to think of Jared. Tried even harder not to think about Jake. But like everything else in my life right now. Sleep didn't come easy. I felt my eyes had just closed when the alarm sounded.

The morning was such a blur. Charlie had left me in the same spot he found me in. I ignored the contemplating stare he was giving me. I just really ignored him to be honest. I wasn't in the mood to talk about it. I didn't want to dwell on something he wouldn't understand. Something I myself didn't even understand. Twice he opened his mouth as if to say something and twice he just closed it and walked away. He gave me a half heart good bye and I'm pretty sure I waved. I don't recall honestly.

I chewed my bottom lip nervously. Jared would be here soon. I felt as if I was dangling off the edge of a huge cliff and no matter how much I grasp I can't get a good enough grip. Today has been the longest day I feel in my life and its only 8:30am.

I almost called him just to make sure he was coming. I even picked up the phone a few times. Stupid really because I knew he would show up. I couldn't stop playing my conversation with Emily over and over in my head. I felt as if I was giving up everything for him and I haven't done anything yet. The influxes of emotions I've experienced in the last few hours have been enough to make me question my sanity. I couldn't continue to put my dreams on hold for a relationship….no a physical attraction that seems to be sucking my will right from me. But then again I haven't really put anything on hold but me. The only thing stuck in suspension is me. Even now my legs are shaking and my palms are sweating from the excitement of seeing him again and no matter how far I pushed him from my mind he always came back.

The sound of a tires rolling on gravel echoed from outside. My heart is pounding out of my chest and I feel as if I can't breathe. I can't even comprehend what I'm feeling right now. I can't find the words to explain it all. I needed to tonight to be over like now. I needed Jared touching me right now. My fingers twitched with the excitement of touching his bronze flesh. I was already at the door swinging it open before his car door even opened. Our eyes crashing in a frenzy of emotions, my uncertainty and his nervousness. But it all made sense for that second. That second it took him to make it from his car and draw me in to his arms.

"Beautiful," His murmured in his husky voice vibrating through my body before his lips descended on mine stealing the breathe from my lungs.

His hot hands wrapped around my waist and mine laced in his silky hair. And the idea of taking him up to my bed room sound ten times more appealing then the bonfire. My knees shook with each tender kiss he placed on my face. My body was on flames. Burning with a desire my veins have never felt. And damn me if I wanted more.

"We need to talk," He whispers between kisses. The murmur of protest escaped my lips. My hands were still wrapped around his neck and my lips still placing kisses on his flesh and I had no intention of letting him go any time soon.

"Bella," He groans as I push my chest against him. He lifted me with ease. And I was bombarded with a million different sensations. He nipped my neck the pain mixed with pleasure and I was moaning my appreciation. Very loudly. I tried to process that we were currently standing in the middle of my porch. That Charlie had only just left. I tried to process all of that but nothing coherent was processing in my brain while he placed open mouth kisses on my neck. I could feel his large sex pressed against mine. The need for friction growing I rotated my hips. Both of us hissed from the sensation. The air crackled around us. And in the second when his dark eyes met mine it was like I could read his soul. Lust made his lids heavy but the undeniable look of devotion in his eyes shook me. Because whether I want to admit it or not, in the short time of knowing him, Jared has completely shaking up my world.

"I can smell you," His cupped my face placing a soft kiss on my lips, "And as much as I want to take you for everything you will give me now, we really must talk."

I nodded my head in agreement even though I was screaming in protest on the inside. He placed me down gently his eyes never leaving mine. And I had to remind myself to breathe. The light in his eyes captivated me and I was ready for whatever would come later tonight.

"Can I come in?" He asked smoothing my hair. I nodded again not trusting my voice. "Oh and Bella," he paused his face sporting a huge grin, "hi." He chuckled as he moved pass me into the house.

I felt my cheeks redden and mumbled a soft hello back. But secretly I like our first greeting better. The tension was so thick it seems to steal our words. But it couldn't stop the heat glances he kept throwing my way, or my hand from finding its way into his lacing our fingers together.

My thumb rubbing against the soft flesh of his hands, savoring the feeling his flesh against mine.

"I'm nervous," I managed to choke out. But really it was all I had to say. Because I think that one statement explained how both of us were feeling.

"Just…" He paused as if thinking about what words to use, "Everything will work out."


	7. Making it

a/n: this story is really playing with me I can't see to make a chapter I like. Anyway here it goes read and review it helps trust me. And if you recognize it then I probably didn't create it.

Reality has a way of slapping you in the face. I got a call today from my adviser at Harvard. He was just making sure I was able to get everything I needed for the upcoming fall. I pushed my hair from face with a sigh. I wanted to call Jake and tell him. I wanted to call by the advisor and tell him I changed my mind un-enroll me. I wanted … I didn't know what I wanted. When I'm with Jared it's like I'm in a little bubble and the world can't seem to get to me. The book I had to read was in my hands and I couldn't bring myself to open it. This was really a first. A book Isabella Swan didn't want to read.

But it felt as if I opened to book I was agreeing to let Jared go. It was stupid. I admit it. And I know the book wasn't what the issue was. The issue was myself. Because whether I was ready to admit it or not. I was still going to Harvard and I was leaving Jared behind.

I picked up my phone and texted Jared. I wanted to make sure he was still there. He called me back instantly.

"Bella?" his gruff voice filled my ears. I savored the sound of him let it wash some relief over me.

"Hello?" he asked again after a few seconds.

"Um hi," I stuttered out.

"Are you okay?" his voice urgent.

"I'm fine I just…" wanted to hear your voice. But I didn't want to say that. I didn't want to come off that way.

"Where are you?" he asked.

"I'm home."

"I'm coming over," he said I could hear rustling going on around the background.

A smile was on my face. It had been there since he answered the phone. This was what I needed. I needed to be with him. I couldn't go to Harvard. I couldn't leave this.

"I'll come to you," I said suddenly feeling the need to be as far away from any reminder of Harvard as possible.

He paused I could hear his breathing as if he was contemplating the idea, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," I had to get out of my house, "You're parents won't mind will they?"

"I eh…" he cleared his throat, "I live on my own."

"Oh."

"I'll just come there don't worry about it," he said.

"No its fine… it is fine," I assured him, "Where is the house?"

He gave me the details. And I told him I would be there in half an hour. I threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt. I was escaping from my reality the only way I knew how to. I was in my truck before even I realized it. My heart was racing but each mile I passed I was getting more and more excited.

My heart was practically beating out of my chest when I turned on to the rev. I was close to him. I followed his direction to the tee. I think I made it to his house in less than twenty. I jumped out the truck and had to restrain myself from running to his front door.

"Bella?"

I turned wondering who was really trying to get in the way of my escape from reality. Jacob Black that's who.

"Jake?" I tried to keep my annoyance out of my voice but judging by his expression. He was a reminder about Harvard. He was the one who pushed me to apply the one who was excited when I got in. Jake was really the last person I wanted to see right now.

"What are you doing here?" his eyes were looking behind me. I knew he was staring at Jared's house. Oh god. I hadn't considered running into him. I could tell what he was thinking.

"I just came to visit nothing is happening," I rushed to explain myself.

He nodded and walked away. Right a break. I wanted to call him back but bit my lip. He wouldn't understand. And I didn't want to deal with it at all right now. No all I wanted to do was go into Jared's house and let him kiss me senseless.

I turned and made my way to Jared's door. He had the door open before I could knock. He must have been watching me and Jake. He didn't say a word but move back so I could enter his house. We stood space between us. And this wasn't how I wanted it.

"Will it always be like this?" he asked never meeting my eyes.

"What do you mean?" Dread began to fill in the pit of my belly.

"Will he always be a shadow on our relationship?"

Jake. This was about Jake. Even though I knew this would eventually come up it still shocked me. His body was trembling slightly. And I knew my escape was long gone. I had two option. Either I woman up and deal with this now or I walk out the door and go back to facing Harvard.

I moved closer to him and embraced him. I didn't know what to say to him. I was still trying to figure this out. Would Jake be a shadow in our relationship? Will he come between us? They were useless question because I already knew the answer. I had made my choice. And my arms were currently wrapped around his neck my lips currently placing soft kisses on his hard jaw. He wrapped his arms around me. Drawing me closer to his body. I inhaled softly letting his scent play with my senses. I loved the way he sent.

He kissed my forehead I know he understood all I was trying to convey. But right now I was touching him and nothing else mattered. He leads me to a couch and sat me down. His lips crashed onto mine turning me into a harlot. I grabbed a fistful of his hair pulling him closer to me. Bringing his body down onto mine causing both of us to hiss with desire.

"I think we rushed things a little bit," Jared chuckled kissing my nose.

"You think," I joked drawing small circles with my fingers tips on his chest.

"Let's go out or something," he said his wiggling his eyebrows at me.

"Wow so much for romance."

"Woman go change your clothes right now… we're going out," he jerked up putting distance between us, "How's that for romance?"

"Even Quil could do better than that," I chided lightly smiling.

His body was on my before I could comprehend that he had moved. His muscle pressed against me and I was buried in a vastness of heat and desire. His eyes dark with lust the same lust that was currently running through my veins. And everything was alright in the world. Because when Jared was touching me everything made sense. It was like I didn't realize he was missing in my life until he came into it. I wanted to bury myself into him and never let go. Harvard was looking like a distance dream now. Already I was looking at closer colleges.

"Could Quil do better than this?" his husky voice washing over me. I could feel his arousal pressed against me and it only my blood run hotter. My sex was on fire.

A thousand butterflies danced around my stomach. I was on cloud nine and I just knew it. Jared's hand was wrapped around mine. His body pressed against mine. And all I could think about was him. Excepting the imprint was the best thing I've done all summer. He played with my fingers running the tip of his index from the tip of my longest finger to my wrist.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered kissing my forehead.

"I think your confused," I chuckled I was a plain Jane compared to him.

"Never doubt your worth Bella," He said turning my face so he could look into my eyes, "You are more then you give yourself credit for."

"You ever wonder what we are doing here?" I asked him after a pause placing a small chaste kiss on lips.

"I think it's pretty obvious what we are doing here," he said cocking an eyebrow up.

"I know that ass," I gritted at his eye roll poking him at the side, "I meant with life."

He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands, "You know before this I had dreams."

He was silent for a while. I rubbed his back with the tips of my fingers hoping to entice him to indulge in more information. It was rare to hear him speak of his life before phrasing. Actually it rare for any the pack to talk about it. He kissed my cheek and pulled me closer to him or bodies messing together perfectly.

"Bella I can't have any of those dreams now," he stroked my cheek with his fingers, "All I have now is the pack and you."

"What did you dream about," I asked curious of the man he was before the change.

"I had a full scholarship to collage," he laughed, "One of the first boys of the Rev to get one the last person well persons were Rachel and Rebecca Black. I wanted to get out of here. Make a name of myself."

He gave me a hollow smile, "I look at you Bella and think about all the opportunity at your finger prints and sometimes I get so jealous and then sometimes I'm so proud. And then I think about you leaving in the fall and I want to do nothing more than try everything in my power to make you reconsider and stay closer."

His breathe was a slightly ragged as he kissed my forehead. I let his words run through my mind. I think about how many times I myself considered giving up Harvard to be closer to him. How each time I started to consider it he would crush that idea.

"The imprint is for life, Bella don't let it stop your dreams," he whispered into my ear before getting up, "Even if it means being away from each other for a little while."

He kissed me. I ran my hands through his short here taking the passion he was offering me. Would talk more on the subject but right now I was content on letting it go for now.

"Go get ready I'm going to check in with the pack I'll be by to pick you up around six…. sound good?" he winked at me when I nodded at him still stunned by his kiss.

I wrapped my arms around my knees bringing them closer to my chest. Everything with Jared was so intense. So surreal. The more I learned about him the more I wanted to know. I glanced over to the clock noticing it was half past four Charlie should be home soon. I better go if I wanted to get dinner started for Charlie. Besides it was time Charlie and I had a long over due chat before Jared came to get me. The man has been downright avoiding me lately and I would like to know what's going on.

Dinner was almost done when Charlie walked through the door. He nodded to me before making his way upstairs to shower and change. When I heard his heavy footsteps coming back down I made him a plate, and placed it at the table.

"Bella I ah thought maybe I could watch the game and eat dinner tonight," he grunted out upon seeing both our plates on the table.

"I bet you did," I said with a smile, "Sit down Dad let's talk."

He cleared his throat I could clearly see him weighing his options, "Is everything okay?"

"Sit down Dad."

He sat. Grumbling the whole time. "Well if it's really that big of a problem to send time with your daughter then go head and watch your game."

He popped up grabbing his plate, "Thanks…"

"Sit down;" I rolled my eyes at him, "I was kidding."

He sat down. I watched him play with his food. Charlie was avoiding me, and I'm going to figure out why. We ate in silence for a while I let him simmer. He kept glancing up at me wincing every once in a while.

"What is going on with you?" I asked him taking in his twitching eyebrow, shaking leg, and his inability to look me in the eye.

"What do you mean?" he looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Dad."

"Bella," He cleared his throat, "I've met someone."

"Okay…." Well I wasn't expecting that one, "Who?"

Charlie face was quickly turning the color of a ripe tomato. He seemed so uncomfortable telling me this. He shifted in his seat pushing his plate away from him.

"You don't really know her she is new to town," he cleared his throat once again rubbing his face, "Look kiddo I know this is a lot to take in…."

"Are you kidding me this is great," I smiled, "When do I get to meet her…. Better yet lets double."

"Double what…"

"Maybe we could have Sam and Emily along also," I added enjoying the slight of him squirming before me.

"Sam and Emily?"

"Dad keep up but your right that probably is to many people," I said taping my finger against my chin, "Perhaps we should just keep it to me and Jared and you and your new girlfriend what is her name any way."

"Jill," He said, "Now Bella I don't know if that's a good idea that just yet."

"Nonsense it's a great idea I'll call Jared now and tell him and you call Jill," I stood up quickly grabbing both of our plates placing them in the sink before grabbing the house phone.

I barely made it upstairs before my laughter came pouring out my mouth. Jared was going to have a field day with this. I heard Charlie downstairs babbling on the phone most likely with Jill. I'm glad he found someone.

An: so let me know what you think. Thank you.


	8. Burned

a/n: Here's the next chapter. I've been moving and trying to get settle but I figured I'd put out what I had. R&R. And if you recognize it then it's probably not mine.

"What's on your mind?" Jared asked trying to steal some food off my plate.

"Us."

He raised an eyebrow before putting his fork down. "What about us?"

"Just…. I don't know," I played with the food on my plate pushing it from side to side. I hated that I did this. I was an emotional rollercoaster. Somehow seeing Jared and Charlie talk earlier spouted it in me. I wanted to tell him I was being foolish and dumb. But I don't know how to express it. I don't know how to tell him something is wrong but I don't know what's wrong. It was an underlining feeling. Hiding under this bubble of happiness.

"Bella," Jared sighed rubbing his face I could feel his wariness. "Bella you have to talk to me."

"I don't what to tell you," I whispered, "I'm crazy okay."

"You're not," he groaned, "It's just a defense mechanism you've created in your mind. There is nothing wrong with you so stop saying it."

I bit my lip and looked away. I wanted to end this conversation. I wanted him to smile at me and laugh this off. But we both knew we rushed things. We went from strangers to a relationship to quickly. I thought I could handle it. But hearing Jared and Charlie talk about my acceptance to Harvard was too much. It was like they were both resigned to the fact that I will be leaving in a few months and that was fine.

Jared didn't even blink when Charlie told him I was going not matter what. He didn't even flinch. I wanted him to show some sort of emotion. Anything. He just stood there smiling saying he wouldn't have it any other way.

"Bella what is it?" he asked again taking my hand in his. Our food long since forgotten.

"Are you not in the slightest bit upset that I will be leaving you for collage in two months?"

He winced. His face twisted in pain. And I realized how wrong I was. He did care. He brought my palm to his lips kissing it. The tender action broke me.

"It bothers me more then you know," he whispered kissing me.

And it was settled. I didn't care how hard he fought me. Or how disappointed my father would be. I wasn't going to Harvard. I was going to wait a year and go to a local collage. I pulled my hand from his and finished my food. I was more at peace then I was five minutes ago. He watched me a soft smile on his face. He went back to trying to steal my food and that is how the rest of the date went.

"What time do you have to go home?" Jared asked as we left the restaurant his large arm around my waist pulling me closer to him.

"Whenever."

"No curfew?" he asked his eyebrow rose in surprise.

"Yeah another perks of being over eighteen and out of school," I smirked at his expression.

He shuffle his feet a little stuffing his hands in his pockets. My body mourned the loss of his heat I moved closer to him pressing my body against him. He inhaled sharply.

"Want to come back to my place?" he asked his voice tight.

I cupped his cheek with my palm and looked into his eyes. Did I want to go to his place? Yes. Did I want to push him to the brink of my comfort? Yes. Did he know that? Absolutely not.

"I would love to," I said kissing him.

We were in his car speeding down the road so fast then I could say another word. He kept his hand on my leg as he drove moving up and down my thigh but never taking his eyes off the road. Do you know how frustrating that is? The heat from his hand burned through the fabric of my jeans. My skinning was humming with desire. My panties dampened with excitement. And he wasn't taking notice of any of it. At least I thought he wasn't until I noticed him watching me out the corner of his eyes.

He took in a deep breathe with soft chuckle. Two could play that game. I moved my hand to his leg. Dangerous close to him hardened manhood. He jerked away with a curse.

"You're playing with fire," he growled grapping my hand and nipping my fingers.

"It's only bad if I get burned," I smirked.

He had us in front of his house in what felt like minutes. It had to be a new record. Before I even have time to unclasp my seat buckle he had my door open. He reached around me to get my seat buckle his neck exposed to me. I placed open mouth kisses on the exposed flesh. My tongue tracing the lines my teeth begging to nibble. He froze the second my lips had made contact with his skin.

Each kiss earned me a shudder. I loved the power I had over him. He all but yanked my seat buckle off. Before pulling me out of the car. I jumped into his arms warping my legs around his waist. My whole body was shaking with need. He pressed me against the cold metal his car his lips descending on mine in frenzy. The contrast between his body and the car was creating a sensation overload. I rotated my hips to ease the burning between my legs.

"Inside," he gasped between kisses.

Kissing Jared is like a drug. I once thought the passion I read about in books and saw in movies were just figments of imagination a temptation that was never meant to be true. But wrapped in Jared arms his lips on mine was all it took to wake the passion within me. I feel so much more. Taste more. Want more. With him I never feel unsatisfied.

He laid me gently on his bed. His body hovering over mine. I tugged as his shirt. It needs to be off. I wanted to run my fingers along the lines of his muscle. I wanted to feel his flesh on mine. He pulled the shirt off in on smooth motion. He was kissing me again. His fingers played over my flesh.

"I could get lost in you," he whispered.

I know the feeling. I would always want to get lost in him. I cupped his face with my hands. Savoring the feel of him above me. His ragged breathe ran though him he was a mass of quivering muscles over me and it was having the most unusual effect on me. I bit my lip to keep from scream with desire.

"You smell so good," he hisses taking in a deep breathe. He place kisses all over my neck. I was so turned on I could barely think. All I could do was feel. And I could feel just how much he wanted me.

He rubbed against my hot sex through my jeans. The rough fabric of my jeans rubbed against me. Teasing the burning I felt. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted him to take me.

"Not yet Bella," he laughed darkly, "I want to take you just as well but you are not ready for that yet."

I wanted to fight him. But the words couldn't form. I wanted him just as badly as he wanted me. I reached down daringly and grabbed him through his pants. He hissed and jerked away from me.

"Fire Isabella."

"I haven't got burned yet," I gasped as he places his hand on my core. The heat from his touch only caused the burning to increase. I moved my hips into his touch.

"I want you so bad," he hissed taking in deep gulps of air.

I couldn't even find the words to say. My body was on fire. I wanted him in a way that didn't even make sense to me.

He pulled away from me and stood by the window. With my mouth agape I stared at him in disbelief. Did he just… I couldn't even think right. What in the world just happened here? Maybe he didn't want me. Maybe he realized at the last minute I wasn't good enough. Or sexy enough.

"When I asked you over," he stared his back still to me, "This isn't what I had in mind."

I wish I could find my voice right now. Anything would do. I ran my hands though my hair my fingers catching on some of the knots. I rejoiced in the slight pain anything but shock and rejection was a god send.

"What the hell Jared?" I gasped after a second. So maybe the word may not have been the right ones but it's what has been playing over and over in my mind for the last few minutes. How dare he take me so high on a rush of desire just to drop me. It was like riding a roller coaster but then realizing there isn't any loops. What the fuck?

"I don't want our first date to be our first time also," he said turning to look at me. I could see the effect of pulling away when he did. His whole body was trembling. He made a move to step closer to me but at the last second back away more.

"You smell so tantalizing," he groaned turning his head away.

Could have fooled me, I thought to myself. One minute he acts like I'm god's gift to earth and the next it's like a vampire somehow entered my body and he wanted nothing to do with me. Why couldn't just one aspect of our relationship be simple? I mean how bloody hard could it be to have sex. I'm not claiming any previous knowledge on the matter. You know big virgin over here. But it didn't seem that complicated to me.

I tried to ignore the feelings of rejection playing in my heart but the bitter taste of it was still potent in my mouth. The tears were falling before I could stop them and I was all the more frustrated for it. My body was still trembling from our lust. It hasn't seemed to get the memo yet that Jared was done.

I shifted on the bed to ease the tension that was forming between my legs. It was like Sam and Emily's all over. Without the washer and dryer… oh and that's right the mind blowing orgasm. I was seething. He took a tentative step closer and I glared at him.

"Bella I'm sor…" he started

"Don't bother," I jerked my hand up to stop him. Anger running through my veins. I picked my phone up and dialed the only person I knew who could come get me.

"Hello,"

"Jake I need you to get me," I all but shouted into the phone ignoring Jared sharp intake.

"Bella?" He said after a second, "Where are you?"

"Jared's."

After assuring me he would be there in a few we hung up. I straighten my clothes not once looking at the man who just rejected me.

"I didn't not reject you," Jared growled standing before me, "Call Jake and tell him I'm taking you home."

"So you can tell me its was for my own good and that our first time should be more special," I snapped, "I'm good I just had that conversation for us."

"Damn it Bella it was for your own good," he grabbed me by my shoulders and my body jumped awake.

Damn trader.

"No Jared its what you thought was good for me did you once think to ask me what I wanted," I said pulling out of his grasp. I couldn't think straight when he was touching me.

"I know you're a virgin."

"What's your point?"

He growled at me. I could see him shaking out the corner of my eyes. I knew I was pushing him but I couldn't stop myself.

"The last time I check I was perfectly capable of deciding what I wanted to do with my body," I sneered, "besides its not like you didn't have any issues touching me at Sam and Emily's even when you had a girl."

His growling was growing louder and he was shaking to the point that I couldn't barely make out his form anymore. But I was on a roll and I couldn't stop.

"Is that what you need to touch me?" My voice caught but I was past the point of no return already, "Should I call Kim and tell her you want her back so I can get you to have sex with me."

"Maybe the thrill of cheating is what gets you off."

The words were barely out of my lips before he pushed past me racing for the door. I heard the back door slam open before the night was filled with the sound of a wolf howling. It took me a second to realize what I had done. My immaturity had did. A sob was building in my throat. It was bubbling and forming each second that past with me sitting in the empty room.

I just pushed away the one person who was tied to me for life. I just hurt him in a way that I never wanted to be hurted. And the only regret in my heart was that we never finished what we started. More and more I'm realizing just how selfish I truly am.

"What happened here?" Jake asked stepping in the room. He had on his usual just a pair of cut off shorts. I studied his chiseled form. Taking in his muscles and toned body. He was gorgeous but Jared was supreme. A sigh pasted through me. I was ruined for other men. Because all I wanted was the man who rejected me for my own good. The man my harsh words just chased from here.

Yeah its official I'm a screw up.

Jake was watching me with eyebrows raised. I didn't answer him. It wasn't any of his business anyway. He would find out how much of a grimey person I was when he phased. For now all I wanted to do was get home and bury myself in my bed.

As for Harvard. Perhaps I will be going there after all.

Jared was right about one thing. I was playing with fire and boy did it hurt to get burned.

a/n: So let me know what you guys think I'll try to get more out soon.


	9. Reckless Mistakes

a/n: Sorry it's been taking so long. I don't have internet right now but that will be fixed soon. R&R. I know last chapter got a lot of Bella hating. But honestly she kind of acted her age. And you have to put your foot in your mouth a few times in life in order to learn.

I sat on the roof of my car. Letting the fading heat from the engine warm me. I had come to gravel, beg, and demand forgiveness. I did a lot of thinking. A lot lot of thinking. I was wrong. But then again so was he. But his denial nowhere cut as deep as my thoughtless words. I felt his pain when I said them. I didn't know it then. I was too consumed with anger. But when I got home and had slightly calmed down it hit me like a ton of bricks. My shortness of breath, tight chest and labored movement wasn't because of my anger. It was the pain I had caused both of us.

So that leads me here. Sitting on my car waiting to get the nerve to go knock on his door. Part of me was hoping he would see me and come out. But since I've been here for just under hour I figured he was going to make me to it myself. He was going to make me come to him. Not that I blame him.

Come on Bella, I coaxed myself, you can do this. I ignore the Rob Snyder voice that was currently playing in my head saying his notorious line 'You can do it.' Just when I had finally gotten the nerve to get off the car his front door opened. I held my breath I guess he was coming to get me anyway. I slowly took a tentative step toward his front steps and froze. It couldn't be. I know I was wrong but he wouldn't do this to me. Because coming out his front door, with her shirt on inside out and tousled hair. Was none other than Kim.

She paused when she saw me. Her large brown eyes stared into mine as she made her way down the stairs towards me.

"Did you really think you could take him from me," She sneered coldly, "Look at you and look at me. You're nothing."

She turned and walked away from me. Her hips moved with a confidence I could never have. Even with her shirt inside out she looked seductive. I shifted in my chucks uncomfortably. My shirt suddenly felt too baggy and my jeans felt like they didn't quite fit. I looked up at the open door and saw Jared standing there staring at me. He was only wearing a pair of cutoff jeans with the top button undone. The proof was before me. Jared had done exactly what I said. He went back to Kim.

Maybe you should see if he will fuck you now, my inner voice said nastily. I wanted to scream and shout at him. Was I so easy to replace? Did the imprint mean nothing? I back away from him slowly tripping on my own feet. He caught me before I could hit the ground. His hot body pressed against mine. I could smell her perfume on him. I could see his lips swollen from her kisses. It should have been me coming out of his house with my shirt on inside out. It should be me with the tousled hair and confident walk. Not her. She wasn't the one chosen for him.

It dawned on me then. She may not be the one fate handed to him. But she was the one he chosen. She was what he wanted. And I was nothing. The first night I had ever seen him. The night that changed my life. He had been all over her. Their love was evident with each kiss. With each tender caress. I remember watching them wondering what it felt for a man to be so engrossed with me. I had it with Jared. But it was some wolf mojo that had given it to me. None of it was true. Once I was a bit more stabled I pushed away from him. I didn't want him to touch me.

"Bella…" he started toward me.

"NO," I grasped holding my arm out before me to keep him away.

"It's not what you…" he paused. He couldn't say it. He couldn't lie to me. One score for the imprint.

"I came to apologize," I whispered my voice breaking, "But I shouldn't have bother if I knew I was so easily replaced."

"Damn it Bella," He hissed, "It's not like that at all."

"So what is it then?" I snapped, "And don't you even think about saying its complicated. Because last time I check you said you were with me. So what the hell was she doing here?"

"Talking."

"And I'm the president."

"She wanted closure." He ran his hand through his short black hair. A puff of air release from his lungs condensed in the air. He was stalling I was sure of it. I stood there my anger growing with each second. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to forget I had even seen her. But she was still here. Her presence still lingered in the air. Her word hung between us.

"You are not nothing," He growled as if reading my thoughts, "You're everything."

"But you won't touch me," I snapped knowing I was being childish. Knowing I was threading a dangerous ground. But I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't stop the words from leaving my mouth. He winced like I slapped him. I might as well have.

"Bella is it so unreasonable for me to want our first time to be special?" he expression was wounded but I wasn't about to be swayed by it.

"What kind of closure involves her shirt being inside out?" I fired back I wasn't about to give in.

"I said it isn't what you think," he barked.

"Then explain it to me because it seems very clear to me." My voice was shaking. Hell I was shaking. I was begging for him to have an explanation. Anything would be better then what I was thinking. Anything.

He motioned for me to follow him. He made his way into the house. I followed him silently. Praying to every god I knew. Begging that this wasn't what it seemed. He closed the door when I entered. We stood there. Staring at each other. All the uncertainties in my heart seem to be screaming against the silence in the room.

I looked around the room trying to find a sense of peace that was evading me. My eyes landed on a piece of red fabric tucked half hazardly between the couch cushions. It was bright red with small sequences. My mind processed it before my eyes comprehended it. A soft gasp escaped from my lips. My eyes crashed with his. He had seen what I had. His expression one of shock and horror or maybe that was mine that was mirrored in his eyes.

"What is that?" I whispered even though I already knew what it was. The answers to his closure with her was staring me in the face.

"Bella we didn't…" he started but trailed off. He cursed softly under his breathe. He was angry I could sense it. He should be angry with himself. He should have cleaned up afterwards better.

"What I'm not good enough now that I'm with you," I hissed. My pain was evident I was sure of it. And I hated myself for it. I didn't want to break down before him. I didn't want him to see how much this was killing me.

"No Bella… she must have left it when I went to the bathroom…." He trailed off.

I was shaking. I hated that this was happening. Because I wanted to believe him. I wanted to be with him. But Kim's words. Her red lacey panties. They were telling a different story then his lips. And I'm finding her story completely more believable then his.

"Why was her shirt inside out?"

His head whipped up. Shock disgust and horror washed over his face. He didn't know. A small bubble of hope swelled in me. Maybe it was all a ruse. Kim never did like me. Was I so willing to just believe what she said? Perhaps I should listen to his side. I was an adult and I should start acting like one. I already saw how well acting like a child got me.

"Jared tell me what happened?"

He sighed again and went to sit on the couch but seem to think better of it. He move to the kitchen and sat by the table. He waited for me to sit across from him before he started speaking.

"She came over about an hour before you came," he got up and grabbed two bottles of water from fridge. He handed me one before sitting back down taking a drink from his. "She claimed she needed closure. That she met someone new and needed to know I was sure about letting her go."

I fidgeted with the bottle of water in my hand. She certainly didn't sound like a woman looking for closure outside.

"I told her I was falling in love with you and there was no point in her holding on to something that wasn't there anymore."

His eyes were boring in to mine, "She kissed me." He pause as if gauging my reaction. I wasn't sure how I felt. "I kissed her back more out of habit then desire," he continued, "She wasn't what I wanted and it felt wrong to the very pit of my stomach so I stopped and stepped away"

I could see him replaying the moment in his hair. This day hasn't been easy on him. Hell these last two days hasn't been easy on him. I knew he wasn't lying to me. The imprint wouldn't let him. But I was still uneasy about the two of us. The imprint didn't mean we had to be lovers. He was to be whatever I needed. Maybe I just needed a friend. The idea had an appeal. But even I heard the doubt in the thought. I had already tasted the sweetness of Jared's kisses. No he could never be just a friend.

"I think we need some time apart," I said clearing my throat.

His head whipped up his eyes were dark. I know he thought I didn't believe him. I know even knowing the truth I still almost didn't believe him. But I wasn't proposing this break because of that. Hell I wasn't really proposing a real break.

"I have to go to Harvard to pretty much set myself up for the fall," I continued, "It would only be for a week max if that. I think it may be a good time for us to take a step back and you know… get to know each other."

His throat worked for a few second, "when will you be leaving?"

"Tuesday."

"That's in two days," he hissed, "Will we be on break until you come back?"

I wanted to say no. I wanted to say let's just hole ourselves away for the next two days but that was the problem. We were rushing something that needed time to develop. My immature action last night had proven that. Did I feel like I was giving Kim a chance to swoop back in? … Maybe. But I knew in order to grow I had to take a step back.

"Yes," I licked my lips cracking opening the water in my hands, "I don't mean not having any contact, I mean no kissing, no fondling, no touching, and no dates…. We don't seem to good with them anyway."

He snorted and rolled his eyes, "So we're strictly friends then?"

"Until I get back."

"And then?"

I paused. Then what was a great question. How long was I willing to go without his physically contact? The memory of his touch raced through me. Not too long, I decided as the heat flowed over me. "We go on another date."

He nodded looking away from me. I was unsure if he would go for this. But I knew we needed it. And I think he knew also. He got up and opened one of his cupboards grabbing out a giant can of tuna. I watched wordlessly as he opened the can and mixing it with mayo. He looked at me for a second.

"You hungry…friend?"

And I knew it was okay. Jared was on board and understood where I was going with it. I smiled and moved over to where he was standing. I stood on my toes and placed a small chaste kiss on his lips.

"Forgive me?" I didn't have to tell him for what because he already knew. I was referring to the words I had so crudely said last night. The pain I had brought to both of us.

"The minute I saw you outside my door," he said, "Now back up hussy you said no kissing."

I laughed and rolled my eyes before backing up. Yeah it would be okay. Because we we're both willing to make it okay. I am going to enjoy getting to know my friend.

I pushed him out of the way, "Move over and let me show you how to make a tuna melt."

A/N: ok guys hope you like its. R&R


	10. A new understanding I think

A/N: Okay sorry for the wait. I've had a busy few weeks. Hope you guys like it. R&R

"Bella?"

I looked up at my school advisor, Mr. Howard or Howin or something, he was staring with an expression of concern. He patted my hand and gave me a reassuring smile.

"I know it's a little overwhelming at first but I'm sure you'll do fine," he encouraged.

If only he knew my lack of attention had nothing to do with anything school related. And that for the last few minutes of his talk I was thinking about how delicious Jared was or how hot he made me. In fact the entire time he was talking my mind was Jared consumed. I smiled and nodded at him before gather the info he had gave me and getting up.

"See you in the fall," he said standing up with me holding his hand out. I shook it calmly.

"I'm looking forward to it," I lied with a smile on my face.

I couldn't have made it out of his office any quicker. My plane back to Forks left early in the morning and not a minute sooner. The tour of campus had been nice. It was everything I thought it would be and more. But I felt empty. My muscles were achy and each step I took felt like a fight. It felt as if my mind has never left Forks. Well never left La Push to be exact. I was anxious to get back. Anxious to see Jared.

I hated myself for the position I put us in. I hated Kim for adding to our burden. I could already feel myself falling for him outside of the imprint. And instead of letting us explore that I let my insecurities play against us. I got into the car that Charlie had rented for me and decided against driving back to my hotel room but instead choosing to go to the little coffee shop I had seen when I first got here.

I hope their bakery section was half decent. I could do with a warm chocolate chip muffin and a hot coffee. I had a lot to think about. But really it was the company of absolute strangers I craved I didn't want to be locked up in an empty room with just a TV and nothing else. I had promised myself that I wouldn't call and text Jared repeatedly a feat that would be virtually impossible if left to my own devises.

I parked in the small parking lot behind the shop. It seemed to be slightly deserted. And I sat there. Who the hell am I fooling? I wanted to get out of the car. I wanted to walk into that small coffee shop, buy a latte and get some sort of baked goodie. But I can't stop thinking of everything I left behind at home. I clutched the stirring wheel with white knuckles and indecision. Get out the car or call the airport and see if there are any earlier flights? I tried to move to turn the car off but I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. What is happening to me?

This isn't me. No something in me was broken. Something in me wanted to get Jared out of my system. Because my life went on whether he was next to me or not… right?

"Southwest Airline how can I help you?"

I stared down at my phone shocked. I could barely let go of the stirring wheel a few seconds ago but yet my fingers found the airplane carrier line on my phone?

"Hello?"

"Uh Yes," I sputtered, "I have a flight booked for tomorrow morning flying out to Forks, Washington… I was wondering if there are any flight available tonight instead?"

"Let me check for you."

Is this what I wanted? Did I want to leave early? I mean it would be better than spending a lonely night in my hotel room. But it would mean calling Charlie and making sure I had a ride. I could take a taxi or call Jake… or Jared. I could….

It hit me like a splash of cold water. I was giving in. I couldn't just jump into a plane when I was in school. I couldn't just forget my classes and bail whenever I needed a Jared fix. I hung the phone up. I would wait it out. And right now my first action would be to turn the car off and go into that small coffee shop and get a latte.

Any minute now. Any minute now turned into five minutes. My arms were literally shaking. My mind processed that my phone was ringing. It processed that it was repeatedly ringing. I answered it not really looking to see who it was.

"Hello," I said with a shaky voice.

"Bella?"

His voice filled me and an instant calm washed over me. Yes. This is what I needed. I was like a crack addict and he was my cocaine.

"Jared."

"What's wrong?" he demanded I could hear the strain in his voice.

"I don't know," I whispered, "I was contemplating getting a latte but I can't seem to get out of the car."

He snorted, "Get out of the car Bella, go make a friend in there… and when I say friend I mean a female friend."

I laughed. My fingers were down to a slight tremble. I could hear him breathing, and his words of encouragement still playing in my mind.

"Bella," he said hoarsely, "I miss you something fierce woman."

I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes. My time away from Jared almost felt like it was back firing. I needed him more then I needed air.

"Don't Bella."

"What?"

"You're over thinking again," he chuckled.

"No I'm not," I tried defending myself.

"Bella everything will work out," Jared whispered, "Go make a friend and when you come back we'll be together."

"Okay."

"Okay good see you tomorrow babe."

I hung up the phone with a smile on my face. Go make a friend he says… I snorted eyeing up the coffee shop. Didn't look like much but it certainly it could offer a hot latte. I drew myself together and opened the car door. The first step went relatively easy before I knew it I was in front of the door. I wrapped my hand around the handle… tomorrow I'll be home and back in his arms.

And I'll forget all this just friend bullshit. Because without him I'm a mess and with him for some reason things just make sense. Taking a deep breath pulled the door open. The scent of baked goodness assaulted me as I walked in. My mouth watered instantly when I saw the best looking chocolate chip muffins in my life.

"Delicious looking aren't they."

The girl behind the counter was smiling at me. Her black hair short framing her face. Her eyes an unusual golden brown color filled with amusement.

"Do you make them?" I asked taking in the bake good proudly displayed in the glass counter.

"Heavens no my mother does, I would burn the place down if I tried."

"Then I guess I better try one," I smiled at her.

This would be considered making friends. Right? I tried to think back to pre- Jared. How life how gone by passingly easier. How the simplest tasks didn't seem like the big decisions. Even though I understand the imprint… kind of. I still didn't get it all. If I was supposed to be everything he needed, was he supposed to be what I needed? Did I need a confidence booster. I never felt like I wasn't confident enough. I was popular enough in high school. I had plenty of friend and boyfriends. So why is now the prospect of meeting some new, someone not Jared, utterly terrifying? It made no sense. I was making no sense. Even now that pull to go home was still strong. I could feel it in my bones. I could feel it in my soul. The silent calling to be returned to his arms. I wonder how long I could go before I had to return to him. How long would it take for me to break down and need him in my arms again?

"Will that be all?" the girl behind the counter asked interrupting my thoughts.

I stared at her for a second. Trying to get my bearings. She was staring at me the same way my counselor had. I recognized that look now. It hit me because I used to give other people that same look. I wanted to scream, no I'm not crazy I just have a lot on my mind. But I guess that wouldn't help the situation.

"No... No that's it," I smiled at her uneasily, "How much?"

"It's on the house."

"No," I started to protest.

"Really take it, and if you love it I know you will be back," she smiled and handed me the bag, "I'm Alice by the way."

"Bella."

I shifted my weight back and forth. I wasn't sure what I should do from here. She seemed nice. I took in her wide smile that seemed to compliment her short hair and slightly pointed ears. She looked like a pixie.

"Well I guess I better be going," I cleared my throat.

"Okay," she said still smiling, "I hope I see you around, I start Harvard in the fall."

"Me too."

"We should keep in touch," She said coming around the counter.

"Yeah," I said pulling out my phone taking down her number.

Maybe this wasn't as hard as I was making it. I mean already I was breaking ground way making a friend. The hole in my being that represented Jared's absence was still there but I knew he was supporting me. And I'm sure we could arrange visits… rights. When I left the coffee shop I was feeling a little better. At little lighter. It was if I had a new understanding on it all. And I couldn't wait to get home to see Jared. It didn't hit me until I got into the car that I never got my latte.

A/n: Okay I know its long awaited. And it's not an eventfully chapter. But I wanted to bring in the Cullen's. Tell me what you think. R&R


	11. One giant step

a/n: I know it's been a while since I updated. But I hope you guys enjoy what I've written please read and review.

I stood before his door biting my lip. I had literally gotten off the plane less than an hour ago but I couldn't be away from him any longer. It was like there was an invisible rope tying me to him and even though I could pull it as far as I wanted it would yank me back when it was ready. I knocked on the door with shaking hands taking deep calming breaths. I couldn't wait to see him. Couldn't wait to kiss him. Couldn't wait to be wrapped up in his arms. My supposed break seemed like a joke now. I needed him more than air itself and it shook me to the core.

"You're back."

I turned around to find him standing behind me. My senses in shock as I stood there gaped mouth blurry eyed taking him in. His cut off short low on his waist and his chest was bare. The sight of him washed over me. My fingers twitched with the urge to touch him. I lifted my hand to his face. My fingers barely grazing his cheek before he wrapped his arms around me pulling me close against him. He lifted me off the ground and buried his face in my neck. I understood exactly what he wanted. Because I was doing the same thing myself, breathing him in. My entire body was humming. This was where I belonged. I cupped his face pulling his head closer to mine before kissing him. In his arms I was where I belonged. Just one touch and every unsettling feeling I had away from him was gone. Yes I was home.

"I've missed you," he whispered before kissing me again.

"I've missed you more," I replied hugging him closer.

He wrapped my legs around his waist. I hissed at the sensation of his flesh so close to mine. In that instant I made up my mind. Jared was making love to me today. I couldn't wait a second longer. I needed him. All of him. My lust for him flowing through my veins. I rubbed the muscles in his arms. My fingers tracing every line slowly and sensual. I was so aroused. He took in a deep breath. I watched as his nostril flared as he took in my scent. His eyes half opened heavy with lust.

"It felt like torture when you were away," he said hoarsely putting me down, "I felt this consist pull to go get you and bring you back here."

"I almost didn't make it out of the airport. The second I got off the plane I was ready to jump on another to come back. It took everything in my power not to come back right away."

"The only time I phased out was when you called me," he chuckled, "It's a good thing I'm a good hunter otherwise I would be one hungry wolf the whole year you're in school."

I slapped his chest, "Not funny."

He shrugged and leaned against his front door. A smile plastered over his face. I'm sure I had the same silly grin on my face also. I couldn't get enough of him.

"So friend…" He started

"I didn't sleep a wink at all last night," I whispered cutting him off. I took a step closer to him running my hand down his chest, "I kept thinking of getting back here."

I bit my lip pausing before looking up into his eyes, "I was stupid…" I held a hand out to stop the denial that was coming from his lips, "I was I know it but not anymore."

"Bella…"

"Make love to me."

"Well," he said raising an eyebrow clearing his throat, "I wasn't expecting that."

"Please," I whispered pressing my lips against his throat. "This is what I want," I stroked his cheek before kissing him. I poured my desire in that kiss. My sex was throbbing. "I want you to make love to me."

"Are you sure Bella," He asked looking deep in to my eyes cupping my butt and lifting me. He pressed me against him and instantly I wrapped my legs around his waist. They fit there so perfectly.

Was I sure? He shifted his hips slightly letting me feel his passion. Yes I was sure. This man belonged to me. I belonged to him. It's only been a short period of time but already I feel myself falling in love with him. I showered his face with kisses as he maneuvered us through his front door. I could hear my heart beating in the back of my ears. I was aware of ever move he made. When he dropped me on the bed I was ready to rip my clothes off.

"Once we do this Bella there is no going back," he said huskily as his eyes drank me in, "You will be mine."

He took in a deep breath and I knew he could smell my arousal, "Are you sure you're ready for that?"

"Yes Jared," I swallowed the doubt forming the back of my mind, "This is what I want."

"I need to shower Bella," he whispered taking me in with heated eyes.

"Shut up," I demanded pulling my shirt off. I didn't know where this boldness was coming from.

He was on top of me before my shirt even hit the floor. His body stretched out over mine. His flesh pressed against my flesh, and I wanted more. Yes I needed more. His lips on my flesh was like fire. Each kiss, every caress burned my soul. Passion flowed through me like blood. I lifted my hips so he could pull my pants down. He placed scorching open mouth kisses over my chest and belly as he worked my pants off.

"This is not how I pictured making love to you the first time," He said pulling away.

"Are you rejecting me?" Again. I asked.

"I've never rejected you Bella," he said with a sigh sitting down on the bed next to me, "I just want you to realize how special you are."

"So you're rejecting me because I'm special."

"I'm not rejecting you Bella," He growled yanking me toward him. He cupped my face tenderly, "If this is how you want it…"

I closed my eyes. Last time I had over reacted. I wasn't going to do that this time. I took a deep breathe. My body was still trembling from his touch. I pulled my legs to my chest. He shifted next me. His nostrils flaring slightly. In a flash of a second I was back on my back with Jared's face buried between my legs. I could feel the heat rising to my face from such an intimate position. Since the first time I saw Jared I had wondered how it would feel to have him this way. But not even I imagined how the heated kiss he was currently placing my core could feel so amazing.

"Do you know how good you smell?" he growled before licking me, "How good you taste?"

His tongue circled my clit. I shuddered as he devoured me. He was merciless with me. I tried to escape from him. It was so unlike the time in Sam's laundry room. This time the passion was unhinged, and neither of us was making any attempt to control it. I tried to pull away my body when I simply couldn't take it anymore. Every cell in my body felt like it was tearing apart. I felt like I was tearing apart. I was sure any second now I would burst.

"Please… please," I begged. I didn't even know what I was begging for.

He gripped my hips and pulled my back towards him. "Take it Bella."

I shook my head from back to forth. He pushed a finger into me and exploded. My body shaking as my passion gushed from me. He chuckled before kissing his way up my body. He smiled as he kissed me. I could taste myself on his lips. And for some reason it was turning me on more.

"So passionate," he whispered kissing me, "So beautiful."

I wanted to beg him for more. I wanted to just lay there and cuddle. I wanted so much more. He pulled me closer to him in his arms. My sex was still throbbing. I reach down in between us cupping his sex in my hand. I savored the hiss he released. Savored the feel of his thickness. I was still dripping.

"Fire Bella," he growled before kissing me.

"Don't," I said biting his bottom lip, "Last time that didn't work out so well for us."

He snorted and pulled my hands up. He lifted them over my head pinning them there with his hand. His eyes racked over my body. I've never felt so expose but yet turned on in my life.

"Beautiful," he whispered before taking my nipple into his mouth.

I arched my back pushing my chest forward. I've learned that he could do magic with his tongue. He chuckled as he teased me, pulling one nipple into his mouth while flicking the other with his fingers. I squirmed under his assault. Moaning like the wanton I was acting like. He rubbed the head of his dick against my dripping sex. I circled my hips loving the sensation that played in the deep pit of my abdomen.

"You're teasing me," I hissed as he placed a soft bite on my neck.

"Why yes," he chuckled kissing me, "I am."

"Jared."

"Bella."

"Please," I begged rolling my hips.

"Fuck," he hissed grabbing my hips.

The tip of him entered me. I hissed at slight intrusion. "This is going to hurt," he whispered stroking my face, "Are you sure about this? There is no turning back from here. Once we do this you are mine."

"You said that already," I whispered chuckling, "Make me yours Jared."

He stared down at me his eyes searching my face. I knew what he was looking for. Any sign of doubt. I tried my best to keep calm so he wouldn't see the nervousness on my face.

"I can hear you heart beat," he kissed my forehead and laid there for a second.

I hissed as he pushed into me. My sex burned slightly as he stretched me, filled me. He worked his hips pushing into me. He leaned in and kissed me. I let myself get wrapped up in the passion of kissing him. Let myself fall into the moment. He thrust his hips breaking through my barrier. The pain was alarming, I could feel tears pooling in my eyes. He absorbed my gasp of shock with a kiss. My sex was throbbing with a whole new sensation. I wanted to move my hips but I wanted to stay still all in one moment.

"I got you," he whispered shifting slightly. An explosion of nerves happened with his small movement and I knew once I needed him to move. Needed to feel that again. I wiggled my hips moaning at the sensation. He hissed grabbing my hips.

"Please," I begged.

He set a rhythm as he moved his hips. I wanted him all. The more he gave me the more I wanted him. All of him. My sex was still tender but I couldn't be bother with that. Each stroke he made just increased the pressure building up in me. I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him down on top of me. Pulling him closer to me. I needed him here. I needed him in my arms. He buried his face between my neck and shoulder. I could feel myself reaching my peak. Could feel my body start its fall.

"That's it Bella," He gasped, "Give it all to me."

And I burst apart. He followed me soon after jerking out of me spreading his seed over my belly. He fell off to the side of me pulling me closer to him covering my face in kisses.

"I'm sorry for the mess," he whispered wiping me clean with his sheet. When I started to protest he waved me off, "I'll wash them don't worry."

I cuddled next to him savoring the feel of him. A sense of fatigue washed over me. Not before long I felt my eyes closing. I let everything go and let myself fall asleep next to him.

A/N: Okay I hoped you guys like it R&R and let me know


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